Staring Down the Barrel of a (Hot Glue) Gun

Rent is Paid!

2009-07-28T21:36:00.000-07:00

Been at my sewing studio for 4 months now and have bee late on my rent for 3 of those months (and in the interest of full disclosure, the only time it was on time was because I was signing the rental contaact and the manager was right there.)

Turns out I never put the reminder in my email calendar, and it would just slip my mind. Hell, this past month the only thing that reminded me was one day I went into the studio and nothing happened when I switched on the light switch or tried to turn on my machine. I panicked, ran home, got my checkbook and slipped an envelope through the manager's door that very afternoon. Turns out the building had had a power outage, but who knows how long I would've gone before I rememebered?

And not once have I ever gotten a call or note or anything from the manager, but still, bad form on my part.

Anyhow, long story short (too late!), I dropped off my check for this month today AND have added it to my calendar with the 'mail me 3 days in advance' feature also turned on. Go me!

Good News(s)!

2009-07-28T09:35:00.000-07:00

Yes, I pluralized 'news'. Get over it. :)

1) I slept well last night! About 10 hours! Feeling noticeably more human. Could use about 4 more straight nights of that, but am not going to look a gift horse in the mouth. (Also thought I'd mention that as I seem to always be moaning and carrying on about how tired I am.)

2) Got another job/contract! And this one is Really Good. Seriously. I will be doing some overhire/temporary work for these guys. In a real costume shop. With a nationally recognized group. With a real budget. And a real WEEKLY PAYCHECK. *swoon!* It fits nicely before my job in MA (did I ever write about that? I got the MA job too!) but does have a bit of overlap with the Pacific-o gig. Will definitely be 'exciting' for a bit there.

I am obviously very happy that I got this job, but the interview process was less that smooth on my part, I will admit. I showed up late, I was still wearing ratty nail polish on one hand (compliments of Mags), several of my portfolio images weren't even in my portfolio yet, and one of the garments I'd brought in to show samples of my work had fallen off the hanger and was in a wadded, wrinkled heap. I could have been a PSA on 'what not to do for a job interview'. I must have interviewed REALLY well. Interviewed Monday, job on Friday afternoon. :)

3) I also made some good progress pulling costumes for G&D this past weekend, and am feeling somewhat less pants-crapping that last week, which is always good. Still have crazy loads of stuff to do, but knocking some down helps.

Parenting Highlight (Not)

2009-07-27T12:19:00.000-07:00

Ah, the perfect storm: sleep deprived, stressed, PMSing, and an overly-squirmy 5 year old built entirely (at least it felt like) out of knees and elbows crawling all over you.

I did not realize how close I was to my limit until *snap!* I totally lost it last night. I'd been trying to watch a movie with Mags last night ("Who is that? Is he the bad guy? Is Harry going to get hurt? Is she dead? Are those spiders real? Can I have more milk? Will you get me a snack?") while she crawled all over me. Constant. Nonstop. Talking. And Movement. I had taken a small pad of paper away from her when it was time to go upstairs, and she lunged bak at me to get it, smacking my chin with herforhead in the process. Getting smacked in the face is bad enough, but combine that with a day of being climbed over AND a screw in my chin from the surgery that has not healed yet, and well, you get

*WHAP!*

Reflexively I smacked Mags on the forhead with the paper.

She stared at me with shock and horror before bursting in to tears. I nearly rolled my eyes out of my head before starting to comfort her. Oh, and then the guilt started.

"You (sob) you HIT ME!"
"You're right, Mags, I should not have done that."
"Mamas (hiccup) DON'T HIT!"
"Sweetheart, I'm sorry."
"I didn't bonk you on PURPOSE! (sob, sob)"
"I know, honey, I know."

Oh, and here's the best part. She whipped out the Golden Rule (or a preschool variation thereof,) and used it against me!

"When someone does something bad to you, (sniffle) you're not supposed to do something bad back!" And then she promptly hacked a fine mist all over my face, lightly sprinkling droplets of her germy cold all over my glasses and mucus membranes, I'm sure.

Guilt AND germs. I ground my teeth together. I utterly fucking hate being a parent sometimes.

Lucky for her she was awfully cute the rest of the night after we talked for a bit (although I'm not sure 'talking' wasn't me groveling a little bit in delerium just to get her to SHUT UP.) Oh, and she was up way too late because I just didn't have the energy to nag her into bed at the appropriate time. A slippery slope that is. Gotta get this sleep thing under control or she'll really walk all over me.

Awk-ward!

2009-07-20T18:00:00.001-07:00

You know what I'm talking about.

Frea-ky!

2009-07-19T15:33:00.000-07:00

I just woke up from the WEIRDEST nap!

I had fallen asleep on by back, and was completely aware that I was asleep and dreaming. But I could not move a muscle. And I started to panic a bit in my sleep because I was trying to move but was aware that I was frozen. On top of that I was getting some weird ringing in my ears that I was aware of as well. I can't say I was sad when the alarm went off and I woke up.

Its a freaky thing called - oh so creatively - sleep paralysis, and its not terribly uncommon. I've definitely had it before in my life, and I'm betting most folks out there have at one point or another too. I can't remember the last time I had it, though. It occurs during REM sleep, so that your body doesn't actually act out your dream. But with sleep paralysis, your mind wakes up but your body doesn't.

Reading on it suggests that SP occurs in people who are sleep deprived and have suffered from post traumatic stress disorders, amopng other things (of course.) This was the first time I have been able to fall asleep without meds in a solid week at least, and a few nights even that almost didn't do the trick. I know I have been absolutely freaked out about the scope of this project and its making my bad sleep even worse. I think the only reason I fell asleep is because working on my project this weekend has been very productive, and I am feeling less entirely and completely swamped. A connection? You be the judge.

It could have been much worse, though. Its very common with sleep paralysis to get the sense that something is creeping closer to your bed, or actually see a 'shadowy figure' approach you, or have the sensation of a tight chest or not being able to breathe. Kind of like having a panic attack. Very very closely linked to nightmares. Actually, the Wikipedia article on it is pretty fascinating as it discusses how this is documented in dozens of countries, and how each culture interprets the phenomenon. It also explains how the word 'nightmare' came to be used to describe bad dreams.

End of An Era

2009-07-18T17:17:00.000-07:00

Yes, sadly, Walter Cronkite has died. But that was someone else's era. (Insert joke about Walter who?)

Today while at Whole Paycheck, I glanced over the newspapers to see what local headlines there might be. I picked up the San Francisco paper as I often do, but something was wrong. I checked the header - ok, definitely the Chronicle, didn't have San Jose by mistake - so what was it? It was strange; like someone had moved the furniture in my house. And then I figured out what it was.

The paper had shrunk! I don't mean thickness; although the paper has been getting leaner and leaner over the past while, I mean the actual dimensions of the paper. Its now only about 2/3 of its normal size. What was throwing me was that the Chronicle was now the size of the local community rag. Totally wrong. Just felt *off* in my hands. Wrong size. Too small, IMO.

I know all the papers across the country are in trouble - if they haven't shut down already. And I guess I'm glad that the Chron seems to be slowly fading as opposed to just not being there, but I'm not sure. It almost seems like it would be better if it just stopped being, if that makes sense. I'm used to going places and not finding the newspaper. I'm not used to going and seeing a thin shadow of its former glory. More sad that way, I think.

So strange to think that papers will just cease to be during my lifetime. No, I'm not a regular reader, but they've just been a fixture in my life for 30 odd years.

Similarly: For those not in the know, I snagged a free telephone booth off of Craigslist a few weeks back. I was super excited; another one of those things I have strong memories and childhood associations with. I figured Mags would get a lot of fun out of it too. What a great thing for a kid to play with!

Me: (triumphantly) Mags! Mags! Look what I got!!

*pause*

Mags: (unconvinced) What is it? Why do you have a big box?

Me: No, no - look inside!

Mags: Is that a...phone?

Me: Yeah, this is a phone booth!!

Mags: (another pause) Why is there a phone in a box?

Then it hit me - she had no idea what a phone booth was! She'd never seen one before! And then, I felt very, very, VERY old.

Talk about someone else's era.

Guilt! Guilt! Guilt!

2009-07-14T10:48:00.000-07:00

I was supposed to be attending a big campout this weekend. No, more than that - I was also supposed to be going early to help set up, hang decorations I made/acquired, AND spin a poolside set on Friday.

But I just sent an email to the powers that be that I'm not going to be able to make it. I basically spent the last 3 days a'bed and still feel kinda crappy, not to mention the full blown sinus infection I have. Really, going and doing lots of strenuous labor, staying up late and truing to sleep on a crappy mattress with a veriatble rave going on outside my door is not in my best interest.

But now I am wracked with guilt because I am putting myself and my health first. Friends that I am letting down! Extra work I am creating for others! How very very selfish of me! (Not that anyone has said a word, but this is how I feel.)

Yes, I am REALLY struggling with this. I was raised that if you weren't coughing up a lung or shitting blood that you were healthy enough to go to school/do what you needed to do. So this goes against, mmmm, everything I've been lead to believe for a large part of my life. Plus, I'll be missing a friends birthday to boot! AAAugh!

(Sigh) At least I have something to talk about with my therapist tomorrow. Like I'm ever short of fodder...

RIP Speedy

2009-07-13T10:03:00.000-07:00

Mags' pet lizard died Sometime early Saturday. Not sure what from: cold, being picked up too often, not having the correct food, or PTSD (between being chased around your cage every day by a 5 year old or having a cat sit next to your cage peering in for hours at a time, I suspect neither is real good for the heart, ya dig?)

Mags actually did quite an impressive job with the lizard; we had a deal that she had to prove she was responsible with the pet or we would take it back to the ranch. And so every morning she would check the food and water of her new friend. In fact, this past Saturday was the first time I have found that water bowl empty (no one is perfect.)

But I'm also thinking maybe it was best that Speedy shed his mortal coil when he did because I think Mags' interest was starting to wane. As in, she hasn't checked the cage since Friday. As in, she hasn't noticed the ex-lizard having an open wake on our dining room table.

I'm gonna go have one for my homie (and by one I mean a shot of Theraflu.) So long, Speedy. We hardly knew ya, but you'll make good compost.

Day of Rest

2009-07-12T20:57:00.000-07:00

Gave myself the day off yesterday. Actually, to be more correct, I was so sick I couldn't get out of bed. And to show how genuinely sick I was, with the exception of a 10 minute cry-fest in the morning, I didn't even feel guilty! Me! I must be near death...

Lots of coughing (sometimes to the point of gagging,) day-glo boogers, aches all over, sinus pain behind my EYEBROWS, and a slight fever. Did I mention everything but the coughing started after I started a course in antibiotics? Ihjad also been given an inhaler to help the cough ( I was getting tight chest/athsma like symptoms.) And it did help -- when I didn't lopse the inhaler itself. Le sigh.

Funny story: Husband and Mags had to go out yesterday evening, and I entertained myself in front of the tv. Grabbed some applesauce out of the fridge at one point. When they came home, the first thing Husband did was walk to the kitchen. "Aha", he said, "tat's why the house reeks of gas. Two of the burners of the stove were on."

"The house smells like gas? I totally can't tell! Oh. Maybe that's why I have a screaming headache, too."

"Umm, yeah, maybe."

So, I'm not sure how the gas got turned on. I definitely didn't try to cook anything, and the only thing I can think of is that I bumped not one but TWO knobs somehow when I got that applesauce. And by funny story, I mean I almost killed myself on accident. Ha! Hahahaha!

Not sure how today is going to go. I want nothing more than to spend the day in bed, but am feeling a bit panicked about how much stuff I need to get done. As it was I had to cancel a friend's photo shoot at her dance perforrmance (guilt!) Now I'm considering canceling my dj spot this weekend because tonight is the only night I can practicve on a pair of decks, and I don't have a set mad eyetr, and like I said, just want to lay down all day. Urg.

Think I will sleep til noon and see what happens after that. Wish me luck. Oh, and doctor's apopt tomorrow.

Might Actually Have to Turn Down Some Work

2009-07-09T15:20:00.000-07:00

Nothing huge, but for a *really* fun-sounding project. I had sent in my info about 3 weeks ago and never heard back so I assumed it was a no-go. And I may still scare them away with my quote. But...you never know. Maybe the dates they need me will coincide with the end of my current projct. And maybe someday you'll see my work in that particular indie film.

Or maybe not. (trying to not feel angst-y about it. Not really succeding.)

What Do You Do When Stressed?

2009-07-09T12:24:00.000-07:00

Procrastinate!

Check out this cool site! Folks who decorate cakes to look like Threadless (tm) tshirts. Some really amazing stuff in there, too. :)

Offspring Story of the Day

2009-07-06T17:17:00.000-07:00

Last minute dropping Mags off at school. She is wearing her white with silver embroidery flower girl dress. I sit down to finish her hair on a bench. A little boy comes running up

Boy: (gushing) Mags, I LOVE your fancy dress! (giver her a hug)
Mags: Hello boyfriend. (hugs back) Now let me alone so my mom can finish my hair.

Dropped Some Stuff of at the Thrift Store Today

2009-07-03T11:29:00.000-07:00

Would love to be a fly on the wall when they find the inflatable sheep.

Offspring Story of the Day

2009-07-02T11:59:00.001-07:00

"Mama, what time does the store stay up til?"

In Other News

2009-07-02T11:48:00.001-07:00

* I finally renewed my drivers licence, which had expired in *cough* January *cough*. And for having my new mug on it, its...not a terrible picture. If anything it sort of looks like a regular old mediocre DMV photo, and not hey-whats-wrong-with-her-face?

* I have been hitting the doctors offices again. Saw the allergist and got poked one hundred and twenty times (I took a photo!) Turns out I am allergic to most grasses and one tree, but nothing that should obviously be interfering with my sleep. Got a GP who gave me meds for my bronchitus (including an inhaler, which is my new best friend,) a referral to a neurologist for the burning in my hands and wrists, some paperwork to get my thyroid checked out, and poked at a lump in my abdomen (should be surgically removed at some point as it will just get bigger, but does not have to happen any time soon.) I also saw the sleep speciallist who broached the idea that I may actually need to go back on - or should at least try - being back on the CPAP. To which I promptly burst into tears all over her, and Mags -who had been dragged along on the appointment - crawled into my lap top try and make me feel better. That's all I'm going to really say about that right now. Denial is a fabulous thing.

* My DJ set several Friday nights ago went fine. Not great, not horrible. I ended up not doing the big band stuff as I just didn't have enough. Pieced together some other stuff. Mostly, I was just really tired, and was counting the minutes until it was over. Not my favorite genge either. However, I have been tapped to spin a poolside set at a big campiut for the same group in two weeks. I get to play fun, upbeat stuff, and its not a time of day when I would normally need to be sleeping, which is extra bonus good!

*I have been getting audio books from the library on a suggestion from my therapist that my mood might improve if my brain was distracted more, say, while I sit alone doing brainless sewing work. At first I kind of turned up my nose - audio books are for cheaters! But then I realized a) I hardly ever have/make time to read and b) really, I love good stories regardless of how I absorb them. And its been pretty good so far. I just finished a Bill Bryson book (surprise!) "A Short History of Nearly Everything, I believe. Fan-fucking-tastic, and I never would've finished the actual book (I tried.) And yes, it was also fan-fucking-tastic to not get spooled up about whatever problem du jour my brain had chosen for those days. The library doesn't have the best selection, but its a start. I also grabbed something ridiculous like 10 cds worth of kid stories in hopes that Mags will like some of the stories while we drive around. Do 5 year olds like Edgar Allan Poe? (kidding!! ) I'm currently slurping everything up onto my iPod so that I can return all these disks TODAY and avoid a $300 fine.

Got Me Another Job! And Some More Stress!

2009-07-02T11:24:00.001-07:00

Just landed a job as the costumer for a production of Guys and Dolls at this theater. Per usual, I am both very excited....aaaaand crapping my pants. There are lots and lots of costumes to pull (read: not have to sew) at the theater already, which is fantastic, but there are something like 25+ cast members, and possibly twice that many costumes.

The show doesn't start til early September, which is good. A bit overwhelmed right now. Need more booze. The theater is really nice though, and the rest of the production folks seem very fun to work with.

Oh, and did I mention I applied for and got a job sewing costumes at this college in MA? I start mid October and the gig runs for a month. And then I go back out in March-ish for another month. Am looking forward to time spent with friends on that trip. :) Am also looking to not being in charge and just getting to turn my brain off at the end of each day!

I even *turned down* a job today. Nothing huge, mind you, and nothing that really *paid* much of anything. but it did sound like a fun job nonetheless. However, the clients wanted me to make the costumes without actually meeting them to get measurements (simply by measurements over email alone,) and would not even be in the state until two days before they needed the costumes. Busy schedule aside, I learned my lesson with that long distance sewing fiasco last year and will not ever try that again.

So, if you hear from me even less in the next, say, forever than you have already, its nothing personal. :)

Whoo Hoo!

2009-06-24T08:55:00.000-07:00

Got my first restful night's sleep in about 13 days last night! Didn't want to kill or maim anyone this morning! (Well, ok maybe one or two people...)

I have no idea why last night was better than all the other nights; I did almost nothing different. If anything, I *broke* a few 'rules' for sleep: stayed up til 1145 watching a less-than-relaxing movie. I'm guessing its part of that cycle where I sleep good, then sleep progressively worse every night after that until one night I finally just pass out because my body can't physically remain conscious any longer. Ten bucks says tonight is crappy again.

Am trying to get an appointment with a TMJ specialist; seems I've developed a pretty nasty case of that since at least the surgery, if not before while slogging through the CPAP machine. Hoping maybe s/he can help me with these night headaches as the Stanford Neurologist had nothing to point to (although I did get some very expensive pain meds for them anyhow.) Am also going to see an allergist to see if there's anything that needs to be treated that might be affecting my sleep as well.

Yes, yes, there are definitely days where I wake up and just want to die.

Oh, And...

2009-06-15T08:43:00.000-07:00

I'm in the process of changing to my email to gmail because YAHOO IS A PIECE OF SHIT. Did you read that Yahoo? Yeah, I'm talking about you! Worthless, buggy nightmare. I have completely hit my limit of having to reboot Yahoo 8 times while trying to read, delete, write or send messages. Been going on for months.

Quiet

2009-06-15T08:26:00.001-07:00

Just wanted to sent out a quick post to everyone to let them know I'm not dead (that goes double for those of you that ahave emailed me directly to chat.) Long story short Ive been having incredible problems with RSI/whatever in both my hands/arms, and being at the computer for more than, say 10 minuees at a time is immediate pain in my fingers, hands forearms, elbows and even my shoulders. Seeing as I use my hansd for my livelihood (or hope to once my career really takes off,) I need to nip this problem in the bud ASAP so I don't permanentally damage myself even more than I have. Still need to makle doctors appointment.

Super quick update in the meantime:

* got sewing gig in Oct/Nov in MA; hooray!
* Mags graduated from preschool and starts kindergarten in Sept.
* I have figured out that all of those migraines I get are menstration-related, and now I oddly look forward to PMS because that's when they STOP
* I am dj-ing this Friday and am wildly underprepared
* visit with mom went really well
* got a new haircut
* am the decorations lead for a 500 person campout in July
* have been hired to make a bellydancing outfit and a burlesque outfit
* dj gig, bellydancing outfit, burlesque outfit and decorations all due in next 4 weeks. Pants crapping has begun
* still like my therapist, and is nice to know I am not the only 'broken' person out there
* garden is doing well, except for chard which is either completely dead or you can actually grow as pre-wilted salad

I'm still lurking in everyone else's blog and appreciate folks understanding about my new and exciting medical condition. Kisses!

Wrap Up

2009-05-20T13:28:00.001-07:00

I'm doing laundry as we speak, which in and of itsself is not very exciting or interesting. However, as these are the costumes for the show I was working on and I am washing them as the final thing I have to do before being completely finished with this job, its almost...exciting!

Yes, tonight at the cast party I will be returning the last of the costumes (the ones that weren't claimed by the cast, that is!) to the director to do with as she pleases. Earlier today I returned all of my rental costumes to their respective owners. The fat lady has sung.

The show went really quite well. There were 4 performances this weekend at the Drag0n Theater in Palo Alto. Sunday got a bit ridiculous with the heat wave we had here; it must've been easy 90' in the theater. No air moving. Some of the characters in several layers. Fairly unpleasant. But with the exception of the matinee, we had a full house every night. The audience laughed at the 'right' parts and applauded generously at the end of each story.

As for the costumes, I was really quite pleased with myself. The costumes themselves turned out almost exactly like I had drawn them, but more importantly, I was ready for opening night without being in a panic or killing myself with all-nighters at any point during the costumeing process. Sure, I might have done things a little more efficiently - renting and shopping and the like - but I tried to budget a lot of extra time into my schedule for accidents and unknowens and just getting burned out, and it seemed to have worked. Looking at my history of being the absolute queen of last minute work, I am feeling pretty damned smug right now.

A brief selection of costumes from the final costumes from the show can be found here. I've already included them in two job applications I just sent out today; part of the neverending cycle of trying to find the next gig (fingers crossed.)

Cast party is tonight, which I am looking forward to -- and not just because of the booze. It was strange and kind of sad to have to pack up my costumes after the last performance on Sunday. I've invested the last 4 weeks into this, and have spent a lot of time with these folks. Sad that it is ending in a way (although that part where I didn't have to - and therefore didn't - get out of bed Monday was exceptionally fabulous!) I've really enjoyed myself. Can't wait to see what the next one is. Would definitely work with this cast again.

Oh, but if we do, I can all but guarantee it won't be atthe same theater. Turns out they didn't quite get that we would not only have open piles of real dirt on set for the show, but that it would be thrown through the air as well. By the end of 5 days of in house rehearsals and the performances themselves, there was at least a fine coating of dust on every object and surface in that theater. The stage area itsself? The one that was painted flat black and showed every speck of dust? That had to be mopped 4 times when we were striking. Still didn't get it all. And after sweeping the place? The air was heavy with dust. It was like being on the playa -- except in a box. Ridiculous. (But fun!)

Feeling a Bit...Betrayed?

2009-05-20T12:13:00.000-07:00

Wow. I just saw a video for English Beat ("Best Friend", to be exact.)

Turns out the lead singer is WHITE! I had no idea! Obviously I've never seen one of their videos before, and sure there's a white guy on the albums, but I never thought he was the lead singer!

I might hve to lie down for a bit.

Fuck You, Kodak Gallery

2009-05-16T14:39:00.001-07:00

Boy, live and learn.

After Mags was born, I used the now defunct Ofoto to post all of her baby pictures so I could share them with my family and friends. Eventually other pictures of mine started making their way up there as well, and it soon became my only online picture sharing capability. Eventually I started taking less and less pictures of Mags (much trickier once they can a ctually MOVE,) and I learned of the wonders of Flickr, which had a lot of new and better features than Kodak, most noticeably that you didn't have to sign in every single time you wanted to look at pictures.

Kodak slipped out of mind for me.

However recently I've been getting notices from Kodak that they were changing their policies and would now be charging an annual storage fee for pictures, and if you did not pay all of your existing albums would be deleted. A few years ago our hard drive crashed and I lost more pictures than I can think about without becoming physically ill (honeymoon, crosscountry airplane trip), and I leapt back to Kodak to re-download all the pictures I had previously uploaded. Well you know what? You can't actually redownload your own pictures. Nuh-uh! I mean, not without paying EXTRA, anyhow. Well, fuck? Oh, I know, I'll just order a CD of the pictures I know I don't have on my current drive (the really old ones.) Nope, sorry, can't do that either. If you want the CD, you have to order absolutely everything you ever uploaded.

I beg your pardon? I have nearly 4000 photos there!! 2/3s of which I still have on my harddrive!!

But my hands are tied. I can either lose all of Mags' baby pictures, or I can pay $100 to get them all in my hands. No contest really. My CD should be here in about a week.

I'm glad since starting Flickr I still keep the original copy of all my images on my harddrive here. Its a great way to share stuff, but I'm NEVER going to hand all my images over to someone else again, at least not to a service that is going to charge me to have access to my own data, anyhow.

Fuck you very much, Kodak. I hope you tank.

I Love the Smell of Police First Thing in the Morning!

2009-05-12T09:44:00.000-07:00

Husband came back into the house a minute after leaving for work toady. "The police are here. The neighbors car got stolen last night," he said.

"Oh no! That's terrible!"

"Yeah, and ours and the kids next doors car got ransacked."

"Shit! Again? Dammit. Well, at least there was nothing of importance in there... except for... all of the costumes for....the...showohmygodgetoutoftheway!!!"

I bolted outside and sure enough, there was the officer talking to the neighbors. The drivers door and gas door hung open on our car and the trunk was definitely open as well; same for the neighbors. Without touching any of the doors I looked inside, taking inventory on what I could see and trying desperately to remember what I had left inside the day before.

Luckily it appears that all of the costumes are still there, but I am heading over to the theater to drop them of in a minute to take a piece by piece inventory and confirm that, what with the showw starting on Friday and all. And after we had a few run-ins with our car getting rifled through at night, we've been very good to excellent about never leaving anything important in there. Husband did lose a $30 elecro-nerd-gadget thing, and I still have to find my iPod, but I am pretty sure that is at the studio. Will check before I head off to the theater. AT least we still have the CAR, unlike the neighbors. Can't imagine how bad THAT would suck.

Not that they would've gotten far in ours - I was halfway throug the gas light when last I drove it. See?!? It PAS to not always have a full tank of gas!!

P.S. I am very glad that the officer either didn't notice or chose not to say anything about my wildly expired drivers licence when she took my info. That would have been an embarrasing insult to injury on this fine sunny morning.

Some Combination

2009-05-11T14:32:00.000-07:00

Wow, for being 2-ish days from my period, I feel GREAT! I mean, sure, I'm swelling up like normal - lots of fast food while sewing and running around to rehearsals is NOT helping - but I'm in a fine mood right now.

The hippy sleeping pills seem to be helping quite well; I slept fairly deeply for almost 10 hours last night! I've upped my B6 dose from 50 to 100 mg. I started throwing in some 5 HTP pills in the mornings as well to see if they would make a difference about 3-4 days ago too (although I am now reading material that suggests that the B6 and 5 HTP are not a great combination; will do more reading.) Plus I had my first full dress rehearsal with both shows on the acttual set and it went really well. Got lots of fantastic feedback ("You're amazing" being my personal favorite; thank you so much,) so while I have a lot of work to do still, a lot of the wondering-if-they-like-it stress is gone, baby, gone.

Dunno what it is, but it is GREAT to feel this great. Its been a really long time since I've felt this good, and without the pesky side effects of being brain dead and fat from pharmaceuticals to boot. Here's hoping this is not just a passing thing, and I've found some things that will actually help me! Fingers crossed!

She Is Unused to Speaking About Herself in the Third Person

2009-05-04T10:11:00.000-07:00

Just got a request from one of the directors to submit a bio for the show program. Slightly more challenging that I would've thought. Do I mention that I like to sew nude? Is it too early to thank the Academy? Is "For a good time call" a little too forward?

I'm pretty happy with what I came up with. At the very least, its probably too late to change it. :)

Mampajama (invisible townsperson, Costume Designer) has been parked behind a
sewing machine for almost 20 years. The Hole and Sublet are her first design
gigs, but she has also worked in costumes with the Marin Shakespeare Company and
The Crucible (among others,) and in a former life was a traffic pilot with KGO.
She hates pina coladas and prefers a couch and a book to actually walking in the
rain.

Survery Says....

2009-05-03T23:56:00.000-07:00

*buzz!*

Oh, I'm sorry, director says 'too dowdy'. Also doesn't fit nearly as well in person as it did on the mannequin. Lose an afternoon of sewing and get your first major blow to the self-confidence. But the clock hasn't stopped ticking! Keep sewing! Keep sewing!

But Will the Director Like It?

2009-05-03T19:30:00.000-07:00

I sure hope so -- the show opens in less than two weeks. Yikes!

Biting Back Laughter

2009-05-02T20:58:00.000-07:00

Husband called me over. "I need back up,' he said after a long pregnant pause.

So I went over to the tent the girls were getting ready for their slumber party in. Minutes before, Miss V had come begging for another pair of scissors. "For paper!" Mags called from the nylon depths. Miss V shot me a look from the corner of her eye and then slyly smiled. After she scuttled back into the tent, I crooked my finger at Husband. "Do me a favor and stick you head in the tent, will ya?"

There, sitting in the wee rocking chair was Nat, Miss Vs 3 year old sister. The two 5 year olds sat smiling at me from the side of the hexagon. And all over the floor: hair. Lots and lots of hair. Apparently our sleepover theme had gone from 'camping' into 'beauty school dropout', as evidenced by the large swaths of hair that were missing from the side of Nat's head.

Really, I wasn't terribly surprised. They'd been acting up all evening, feeding off each other, and, well, aren't 5 year old supposed to give/get home-style haircuts? I had to try hard not to laugh. What stopped me more than anything was the blatant lying; a first for Mags. What to do?

We ended up pulling their tent privledges for the night, as well as any and all treats. Mags cried, but Miss V was basically unfazed. And wee Nat, well, she was a bit clueless as to what was going on. Couldn't really fault the 3 year old.

So now they're watching a short movie just so we could get a break for the evening. The hopes are that they'll all pass out and we can be done for tonight. This was the first time a sleepover had really gone 'wrong'. I'm kind of treating it as their one off, but Mags is going to get a serious talking to tomorrow once Miss V and Nat are gone.

Wish I'g gotten a picture of the dust pan full of hair, though... :)

Attitude From the 9 Year Old?

2009-05-02T20:50:00.000-07:00

Moomin: (looking at the hedge critically) Why did you cut all of that back like that?

A) Don't need it and b) I'm guessing that 9 year olds would never even notice had it not been for, say, another person to point it out to them. Double don't need it.

Seriously, it grows back. Seriously.

Stripes: The Devil's Fabric

2009-04-28T10:21:00.001-07:00

Who knew? More random trivia...

http://artcritical.com/fyfe/JFStripes.htm

Taking a Chance

2009-04-26T23:00:00.000-07:00

Checking out books from the library for me historically results in astronomical fines and the wish that I had just bought the book instead. However, two days a go I did just that (and only checked out one as a meagre form of damage control.)

I am now attempting to read "The Life and Times of the Thuderbolt Kid", by Bill Bryson. For the most part I've enjoyed his work in the past, and usually laugh out loud at his style of writing (not to mention his anecdotes. I highly recommend "A Walk in the Woods". Peed myself at one point.

Anyhow, this is a memoir of his growing up in Des Moines with his family. Definitely some laugh out loud moments already, but I also stumbled across another trivia tidbit. And I quote:

Up until Pearl Harbor, half of the 48 states had laws making it illegal to
employ a married woman.

Who knew?!I knew working women weren't de rigeur back then, but actual laws prohibiting it? I had no idea.

I actually managed to read two books while on my trip to Italy. Amazing what can happen if you have nothing else to do. I remember those days... I reread "The Phantom Tollbooth", which held up amazingly well almost 25 years later, and also "People of the Book" by Geraldine Brooks, who also wrote the stunning "March", which won a Pulitzer. "People" was also a riveting book. Minnie ran out of books to read so I lent her that one, and spent the whole time she was reading it demanding to know whether or not she was enjoying it ("Yes! Now go away!") I might have to start making time to read more. It was actually...fun1 Didn't hurt that I had really excellent books either. I bought an enormous tome to read on the 11 hour flight home, and got about a third of the way through the 900 pages. It was a decent story, but frankly it was nonstop intrigue and chases et al, that it became rather fatiguing to read! But, as I hate to leave things unfinished, at some point I'll probably get around to that one too. Oh, its called "The Glass Book of the Dream Eaters". Something British (at least I didn't buy a British cookbook.)

Hate My Face

2009-04-26T10:33:00.000-07:00

Yep. Pictures of me on the Italy trip are starting to make themselves seen on Flickr. Pretty much hate every single one of them.

Merry-Go-Round Trivia

2009-04-25T19:14:00.000-07:00

CAROUSEL FACTS:(taken from www.lightingmagic.com/bcarfact.htm)

In England, carousels have been called roundabouts and galopers. It is also interesting to note that in England, the carousel turns clockwise while American carousels have always turned counterclockwise. It is easy to tell the origin of a carousel horse because the side facing outward was more heavily carved and adorned than the side facing inward. The side facing the audience is called the "romance" side.

The reason carousels rotate clockwise in England is so that the horse may be properly mounted the left side.

In France, these rides are called carrousels and manèges de chevaux de bois.

In Germany, they are called karussell.In America, in addition to carousels they have been called whirligigs, flying horses, hobby horses and of course merry-go-rounds.

The golden age of carousels lasted only 25 years and ended in 1920.The people who built the first carousels in America were mostly immigrant craftsmen skilled in the detailed wood craft of church interiors of the period.

Over 6000 carousels were built during the carousel era. Only about 200 of these original hand crafted machines have survived till today. Most were lost in storms, fires, and neglect. It was common for amusement parks to be constructed in low lying areas which were flood prone. Many carousels were lost to floods.

Common themes for carousels were patriotism, cowboys and Indians, the cavalry, nursery rhymes, and animals and sea creatures. Other interesting figures seen on carousels were the statue of liberty, uncle Sam, presidential portraits, and eagles.

Horses with at least 3 feet touching the floor are called "standing figures." Horses with two back feet resting on the platform and front feet posed in the air are called "prancers." Horses with all four feet in the air and called "jumpers" and are the ones that move up and down.

Figures other than horses were called "menagerie" animals. Less of these creatures were made because children found horses to be less intimidating.

Some carousels in Germany were two story double deckers. They were not popular in America due to difficulties in quickly loading and unloading passengers.

Carousels came in three, four or five row sizes.

Collecting original carousel figures became quite popular in the 1970's. These hard to find carved figures bring heavy prices well over $100,000.

Most of the carousel figures seen today on modern machines, are made of fiberglass and are molded from the original hand carved figures.

Website

2009-04-24T23:46:00.000-07:00

Right, so thank you to everyone who spoke up about what to call the website. Right now, in the interet of just having something up and running to send to perspective employers, Husband threw my stuff up** onto the [last name] website. Its not glamorous or polished, but its not terrible either. It will definitely do the job until such time as I actually have the time to figure out what I want and find someone to do it for me.

I think I will probably go the route of simple and straigtforward when the website does finally happen. Seemed to be a pretty popular choice and really, I'm not that much of a logo person. Hell, I can't decide what I want my next tatoo to be of either. And trying to make business cards upon graduation was the 7th level of hell for me. Simple it is!

** Which he sat down and did last Staurday morning and midday start to finish. Was greatly appreciated.

Oh, And I Forgot to Mention...

2009-04-24T23:37:00.000-07:00

In my latest flurry of trying to prostitute myself out for work, I realized I could add the current design gig to my resume. In doing so, in order to prevent it from being more than just one page, I had to take out almost all references to aviation. My resume is now almost 100% sewing, for the first time in my life. Feeling pretty tickled about that. Really, when I reach the point where other sewing stuff starts to fall off the resume, I'll know I've arrived. :)

And I'm not kidding about the prostitution part, either. There's not a lot happening sewing wise in the Bay Area right now (or I'm just missing it, which I doubt,) so I'm casting my net pretty far, as long as they are short-term gigs. Still really bummed the Tahoe thing didn't pan out, missed a job in Fargo, ND which sounded not too terrible (aside form being in Fargo, ND,) and just Priority Mailed a resume and a mini-portfolio off to Great Falls, MT for a fairly sweet job. That one'd be as a designer again, as opposed to just beig a stitcher, which I would gladly take too (in case you're paynig attention, Universe...) Don't get me wrong; I'm trying for more metropolitan areas as well. Have put in applications in the Dallas, Boston, and DC areas to boot. Of course, as I am getting these postings off of a national website, so are 4000 of my closest friends. You know, the ones who aren't in Fargo or Great Falls.

Keep your fingers crossed that I land *something* for the summer. And actually, I've never been to Montana, and I hear its beautiful there. Big Sky Country and all that. That, and I've always wanted a pair of real cowboy boots.

Finished a Costume Today

2009-04-24T23:30:00.001-07:00

I'm too tired to scan the illustration right this second, but its a perfect match, if I do say so myself.

Funny thing about costume construction; you assemble it so that it can be easily disassembled (for alterations.) Part of my brain is really screaming about the non-couture-ness of the whole thing, and I probably could throw in an shortcut or two for speed, but I am trying to do everything the way I was instructed on at my last gig. I heard a lot of "When I worked at the [theater name], we did it like this," comments, which far from being irritaed by I gobbled up like mad. (Being taught how to do it as if being in a professional costume shop is a-ok in my book!) I'm hoping it'll just become habit from now on, and I can transfer those skills to some nameless, unknown shop in my future.

Just looked at the dress again. Lest I tempt the fates, I'm feeling pretty smug about how well it turned out. Really.

Angry Day

2009-04-24T23:07:00.000-07:00

Today kinda sucked. Oh, the sewing is coming along nicely, and I had a nice lunch outside in the sun (even though it was cold and windy.) Just had a lot on my mind, and instead of spiraling down, I spiraled up. Or maybe bigger. Not quite sure how to phrase it, except I got angry. Revisited a problem I had, which lead to thinking about another probelm, and I realized IO was angry about that too. And I kept on going until I realized I was actually very *angry* about many things in my life, as well as frustrated, or sad, or confused. I'm angry at my sister-in-law for spending my entire marriage trying to vilify me to her family, I'm angry at a friend who wrote me out of her life last year with a meager 3 line email. I'm angry at my first boyfrined. I'm angry at part s of my marriage. I'm angry at my body for utterly betraying me for no apparent reason. I'm angry at the way I look, and the unfairness of the whole health package. I'm angry that for the second time the economy has tanked just as I was entering the work force. I'm angry that we still have pantry moths and I can't figure out where they're coming from! Oh god, the list just goes ON.

I used to really enjoy sewing for the zen-ness of it, for lack of a better term. I could sit down to sew and kind of chill inside my brain. Apparently those days are gone; now I go in my brain and pick up whatever issue is bothering me and run with it. Dammit. Guess maybe the upside to that is I'm a skilled enough sewer to the point where I totally don't have to think about sewing and can check out that hard, huh? Hmmm, maybe I just need harder projects.

Luckily I had to meet the fam at dinnertime and got totally distracted. Easy enough to do when you are meeting them at the Fairway of a carnival, n'est-ce pas? Yeah, one of the local churches hired a bunch of mobile carnival rides for their fundraiser/festival, and Mags sees to be of the age where she'd appreciate it. And I think she did, mostly. Mostly she wanted to just win the giant stuffed Tweety Bird and to crawl inside my sweater (she was pretty badly underdressed for the temperature swing that hit the area.) We did catch a couple of insanely overpriced rides and eat some ridiculously overpriced food, though before we went home. Will probably go back at some point this weekend to use up the last of our ride tickets. Seriously. So crazy expensive. Even for a fundraiser!

But I digress. Got distracted, which was my point anyhow. I think all the noise and the blinky lights and the slightly whiny child got me good and distracted, because when I went back to work at 9pm, I was fine. Productive, but more importantly, les in the mood to bawl, which I will take as a good sign. Here's hoping tomorrow is also good and distracted and productive.

First Thing

2009-04-24T23:05:00.000-07:00

First thing outta Mags' mouth this morning: "Did you get the ring, mom? The one for hypnosis?"

First thing outta Mamacat's mouth this morning: a dead mouse, proudly delivered to my door with much loud announcing.

Offspring Story of the Day

2009-04-23T12:22:00.000-07:00

Today's episode: Stalling! But not by Mags -- by me.

I've started reading a new book series with Mags; The Amazing Adventures of Captain Underpants, I believe it is called. She loves it. And why shouldn't she? There are underpants! Monsters eating underpants! Plastic dog poop! (this kills her every time.) Maybe not the most high-brow reading we could be doing, but at least she is sitting through even more chapter books, which is good.

But here's where it got tricky. First off was me trying to explain to Mags what hypnotism is. Sure, I know what it is - duh - but trying to explain it to a 5 year old? I kind of locked up. Started and stopped a bunch of times.

Me: Well, its, umm...wow, I'm not sure how to explain it, honey.
Mags: (puts a consoling hand on my arm.) Mom, Its ok. Just stop. Think. And then talk.
Me: (pause) Learn that at school, did we?
Mags: Yep. Try again, mom. And remember what I told you.

Well! With such expert advice how could I not succeed? She was entranced, entralled, enraptured. She LOVED the idea that you could make someone do stuff by making their brains 'fall asleep'! And the part where the kids hypnotized the principal? You know - a grown up?!?Wow. She almost exploded.

So of course now she wants to be hypnotized. BAD. After the book she begged me to do it to her.

Mags: Please mom! Hypnotize me! Pleeeease! Here, I'll lay down. (lies straight as a board, arms stiff at her sides.) Ok, I'm ready!
Mom: But honey....
Mags: Oooh, I know, mom! Hypnotize me to go to school tomorrow!
Mom: Thats something you're already going to do, hon. That's not what you hypnotize someone for.
Mags: Ok, well then just hypnotize me for ANYTHING!
Me: How about...eating cat food? Or wearing jeans?
Mags: Yuk, mom! I don't want to eat cat food and I DEFINITELY DO NOT want to wear JEANS!
Me: Well, you know, I don't really know how to -
Mags: Its ok, mom, you can just write it down on paper, and when you need help you can just read the paper and then you'll know how! Here, I'll go get you some paper right now. (leaps out of bed.)
Me: Hey!
Mags: I'll be right back!

So earnest, so sincere in trying to help me figure out how to remember how to hypnotize someone. I couldn't burst her bubble (or laugh straight in her face - so cute!) But how to get out of it...I know, the old standby!

Me: Ok, honey, time for bed.
Mags: But mom, I'm writing it down for you!
Me: Its bedtime now. We can do this another time.
Mags: But I want to be hypnotized! (sobs)
Me: Well, what if we...hypnotize dad instead? Its much more fun that way. If you're hypnotized, you don't remember anything!
Mags: No, *I* want to be hypnotized!
Me: Baby, I can't do it now even if it wasn't bedtime! I, umm..don't have the ring! Like they had in the book! Remember? They had to buy that special ring!
Mags: (perking up) Do you have one?
Me: No, I don't.
Mags: But you can order one, right mom? Like they did in the book? You should order one -
Me: I don't think -
Mags: like they did! How long does it take mom, How long?
Me: Umm, 4 to 6 weeks, just like the book.
Mags: How many sleeps is that?

So, I've bough myself some time. I'm hoping that by June we'll have forgottren out burning desire to be hypnotized, but I'm going to come up with some sort of alternate plan in the meantime just in case. Like, getting dad to do it.

Offspring Story of the Day

2009-04-22T18:44:00.000-07:00

Wow. I just got the smack-down from my 5 year old!

Mags and I were driving around today on what was turning into a very long errand. As we were driving around trying to find the store, Mags piped up from the back:

Mags: We're just driving around doing nothing. And we shouldn't be doing that. 'Cause you know why? Today is Earth Day! And we're supposed to be taking care of Mother Earth, Mom. But we're not! We're just driving around doing nothing!
Me: Uh huh.
Mags: Its a special day, mom! And you're not doing anything! In fact, you're being bad!
Me: What, because I'm driving the car?
Mags: Yeah! You're... you're trashing the earth, mom!!

I missed the part of the weekly school itinerary where it listed 'practice irate tree-hugging Northern Californian sing-a-long'. Oh, here it is, right under 'Commie Pinko Liberal Hide and Seek' and next to 'painting a rainbow flag for arts and crafts'. Love my school! :D

Opinion, Please!

2009-04-17T11:31:00.000-07:00

Ok, running to Kinkos every time I need to update my resume or my portfolio is turning into an ENORMOUS pain in my ass, and I am SO OVER IT. (Of COURSE the font I like is not on my home comuter!) Its chewing up stupid amounts of money AND is wasting a LOT of my time.

Time for an actual business website. You know, something with all of my work posted on it (as opposed to links to random pictures on Flickr) and my resume, which I can update at the touch of a button (in my HOUSE!)

Question is now, what do I call the website? Something straightforward like: Costumesby[name].com? Or something more witty? Or hip? This is the part I'm not good at. Especially not while still being crazy jet lagged, wildly distracted by the current show, or recovering from mom-in-law's low-drama-but-still-whirlwind visit over the past week.

So, give me ideas! What to do you think would be catchy? Or clever? Is starightforward best? Help!

Unintentional Revenge is Even Sweeter

2009-04-14T04:33:00.000-07:00

Many moons ago, when I was quite young, impressionable, and to be honest, kind of dumb - I dated a professional photographer. In hindsight I can see he was an ass, but at the time I was so happy that someone was finally interested in me, I turned my eyes to a lot of things.

At the time I also had basically no experience with photography other than completely automatic point and shoots, which I used fairly liberally. For some reason - oh, that's right; he was an ASS HOLE - said boyfriend found it necessary to inform me that I would never take photographs; only pictures. Being something of a fragile soul to begin with and desperate to garner his approval, I was mortified by the criticism and didn't touch a camera for years, even after we'd long since broken up.

Fast forward more than a decade (I can't believe I am old enough to say that!) and things are a little different. I am back to enjoying photography, and have definitely improved in my skills. I am also able to admit that my work might not be technically perfect, but it doesn't have to be. And I'm more than happy to bore folks with pages upon pages of my photos on Flickr, confident that if folks don't like them, hey! They don't have to look at them! And its ok! Its a good feeling.

I bring this up because of a few emails I've received recently. You may recall that two separate photos of mine have been chosen to be included in other websites (the home-made party invitations and the shot of SF City Hall.) Additionally, just this past week I was contacted by KQED to get permission to use another photo of mine in an upcoming television show of theirs. I'm waiting for their official release form, and am working under the assumtion that this will be gratis, but who cares? If I can get a copy of the show to send to my grandma so she can get a kick out of seeing my name in the credits, that's good enough for me. :)

But the best one came last night. I got an email from a friend/photographer who I had helped last year. At the end of that assignment, he asked me to take his photo, as being on the other side of the camera he is rarely actually *in* photos. In his email last night, he informed me that that picture is on the front page of his website, and my name is listed as a credit under it. When I saw it, I have to admit I got just slightly choked up. Going from being berated by a photographer to being recognised by one? I'm going to be slightly California for a second here, but that felt sort of cosmically full circle, if you know what I mean.

I just got back from a trip to Italy, and came home with about, oh, 12Gb worth of pictures. I'll weed out the truly crappy ones and try to be selective in chosing the other 8 million that I post. But its ok now. They aren't all going to be perfect, and I might bore you to death, but sometimes photographers do that. :)

Rented Villain - Ha!

2009-04-03T14:57:00.000-07:00

Just saw a typo in my last post, but I like it too much to delete it. :)

Eagle 2 Has Landed

2009-04-03T14:45:00.001-07:00

Technically though, I think she's #3. Em arrived a few short hours ago. Minnie and I limped out with her - our legs are bloody stumps after another marathon sight-seeing day - and celebrated her 30th birthday at yet another ridiculously charming and tasty local restaurant. We drank and laughed and drank some omre, and then I got complimented on my Italian!! (thud) It was a fantastic night!

We meet the last wave of attendees tomorrow noonish, are then off to our rented villain Tuscany (can I just say I feel slightly ridiculous and pretentious saying that, yet am so looking forward to it?!?) I have been studying the drivers here and feel confident that I can drive just fine here, as the only rule I have seen observed is just don't hit anybody. Check.

Saw a cop chase and fire fighters put out a car fire today. Am hoping I do not see anything involving an ambulance on this trip, as knowing my luck I'd probably end up being the passenger. (Dear universe, we can skip the ambulance ride, ok?)

Plenty going on, many wonderful things seen. Just not spending a lot of time near a computer, and frankly donàt really want to. Have already taken almost 8GB worth of photos though. Its only been two days. Dear god. I'm not even done uploading the Russia pictures yet...

Note for any future travellers to Rome_ skip the colluseum. Seriously. The audio tour is very detailed, but pretty much what you see is what you get. No extra hidden easter eggs for seeing it live versus every photo you've ever seen. And much less crowded to lookat photos in a book. Also, travelling inApril is great for the temperature, but the city is over-run with high schoolers on spring break with their classes. Dear god.

When In Rome

2009-04-01T17:42:00.000-07:00

Apparently there *is* an upside to getting a major operation on your head every year, and that is being able to travel afterwards. I seemed to have stumbled across the perfect trifecta of head surgeries (the ultimate justifaication machine), being unemployed and having great opportunities in my lap.**

Right now its 248am and I'm totally jetlagged. I'm also totally in Rome.

While I am often jealous of Em and her world-travelling lifestyle, I really appreciate the fact that she has invited me along more than once. And now, lo! Minnie and I are meeting up with Em and a few others for her 30th birthday (*cough* bitch *cough*) They don't start arriving until Friday night, though. So for right now its just me and Minnie taking Italy by storm.

Well, slowly, anyhow. We did start this whole trip with a 3 hour delay in SFO, which made those well-timed drinks (and dare I admit a Brownie for myself?!?) not so well timed? Yeah, I'll only speak for myself, but I was pretty well rocked and flying before we even got on the plane. Nearly missed our connection in Amsterdam, but in the end it was all quite uneventful. Sleeping was a bit of a bitch, but the free booze and good amount of surprisingly tasty airplane food took the edge off.

We've pulled off the plain-train-automobile trifecta, all in one very long day, and are now staying at a small hostel in Rome proper. Its not fancy, but the rooms are clean (and private) and the concierge is beyond helpful. He's already pulled out several maps and shown us what to see, what buses to take, and where to eat. Dinner was pretty much the only thing we accomplished today before going to bed, but it was quite good. And I think I'm going to really like the bottle-of-wine-with-all-meals aspect of Italy.

The only thing we're going to have to watch out for while here is pickpockets. Pickpockets and jet lag. Two! The two things we're going to have to watch out for are pickpockets and jet lag, and not being run over by Roman drivers. (pause) The three --- let me go out and try that again.

(door slams)

The three things we will have to be careful of while in Rome are: pickpockets, jet lag, not being run over by cars, and the european keyboards at the hostel.

Sigh. I need a comfy chair. And some sleep. Not necessarily atthe same time - had plenty of that on the plane, thanks.

Tomorrow's forcast is more rain, so we'll probably find something indoors-y to do after we buy our transportation pass. Friday is supposed to be nice, though. Luckily it sounds like Minnie and I have pretty similar tastes in what to see/do so far, like fabric shopping (!), so we've got that going for us. Will be taking lots of pictures as I've hauled all of my camera gear with me this far. Will hopefully be less zombified tomorrow.

Ciao ciao!

** For the record, I want to get a job and I want to have no more surgeries on my head. Can't lie about the travelling part though (two outta three ain't bad?) But I realize this is not sustainable regularly. Le sigh.

Offspring Story of the Day

2009-03-30T21:00:00.000-07:00

Ahh, unclear on the concept... :)

Me: Knock, knock.
Mags: Who's there?
Me: Boo.
Mags: Boo who?
Me: Its ok, don't cry!
Mags: Hahahaha! Ok, my turn! Knock, knock!
Me: Who's there?
Mags: Grape!
Me: Grape who?
Mags: Boo hoo! Hahahahaha!
Me: (laughs)
Mags: Ok, here's another one! Knock, knock!
Me: Who's there?
Mags: Boo!
Me: (thinking she's actually got it this time) Boo who?
Mags: BOO! Hahahahaha!

Absolutely Unapologetic

2009-03-26T23:20:00.000-07:00

Whoooeee!

Got into it with the neighbors tonight. Ended in some obscenities being screamed in the front yard. Kind of impressive, really. Long overdue, in some ways. Pent up stuff on both sides.

But for being someone who has kind of crippled herself in life by being afraid of conflict and ruffling feathers, I'm feeling pretty goddamned ok about the whole thing. Sure, I wish it hadn't come down to a screaming match in the front yard (in front of Mags, no less,) but it actually felt pretty good to stand my ground for once.

The whole issue? The state of the front yard/garden. Husband and I were doing some pretty agressive pruning back: he was pulling up the knee-high weeds, and I was cutting back the branches on the tall bushes that hadn't been trimmed in years and were so heavy they were just growing sideways. The end result was that yes, the ground was now bare in parts and you could see through the bushes to the neighbors yard. And for some that end result was a huge slap in the face to the neighbors, one more than the other. Which is funny, 'cause Husband and I were trying to help. And not leave an unfinished project in the front yard. And around these parts, plants grow back. But not only did we not get any thanks, we got a lot of "But *I* don't like it!", and my personal favorite: "You're just doing it because you like to destroy things and make things ugly!" That's when the screaming started.

Don't like to talk smack about people I know, and especially people I live with, and I know there are complaints in the opposite direction, but its really hard living with someone who openly admits to having a 'white trash' aesthetic when you don't having one yourself. No, I *don't* like the 'constantly overgrown' look in the garden, and I'm tired of being griped at whenever I try to prune anything just because the other person *does* like that look. And I'm tired of pussyfooting around someone who gets cranky when I do. I'm also tired of said person effectively laying claim to any bare patch of dirt on the whole lot, or having a compost pile started outside my front door on an area that had been sort of claimed as 'ours' a few years ago, or having to reclaim that patch everytime SOMEONE wants to plant something new! And I get tired of coming home a few times of year to see someone hard at work planting yet another batch of plants that THEY liked without, you know, touching base with other folks that live there. I'm so selfish! How have I lived with myself for so long?!?

(breathes deeply)

Do I want full control and responsibility over the front yard? Hell, no. The main problem is that we all have different visions for the unit and have never worked out specific guidelines or boundaries for how things are going to be handled. Which for like-minded people is not a big deal, but when you put pro-structure folks (ok, just me) together with those who have boundary issues (some more than others), it doesn't work.

And I'm pissed. Ruffling feathers this time actually feels GOOD. In fact, I want to rip off those feathers and start stuffing them in certain places. I am tired of cowering about this stuff. I'm not doing myself any good trying to hold stuff in. Not sure I'm going to be able to sleep I'm still so amped, in fact.

And for the record, yes, I'll be happy when the bushes grow back in some and it isn't just empty branches, too. But see, if you don't maintain it regularly - like, for two years - then yes, it has to be done aggressively, and all of the leaves that are just on the tips DO get cut off. AND THEN THEY GROW BACK! IT'S THE CRAZIEST THING! AND THE NEIGHBORS - WHOSE SIDE OUR BUSH WAS WAAAY OVERGROWING ON TOO - THEY TRIMMED THEIR SIDE AS WELL! AMAZING! I'M NOT THE ONLY ONE! AND I STILL LEFT FOUR FUCKING FEET WIDE OF BUSH THERE! ITS NOT LIKE I CUT THE WHOLE THING DOWN! AND ITS STILL AT LEAST 12 FEET TALL! IT WAS A FUCKING HAIRCUT! GET OVER IT!

I leave town next Tuesday, and when I get back, I'm going to be crazy busy sewing for the show. So yes, my intention is to finish getting those bushes trimed back, so that we can get to the the lemon tree (which when I stated that as a reason to trim things wasn't a good enough cause,) and so that I actually finish a project I start, and so that yes, the 5 foot overhang (not counting the 4 feet deep I left behind!) opens up more planting space and doesn't continue to KILL OFF EXISTING PLANTS IN THE YARD BECAUSE THEY ARE BEING SMOTHERED, like the daisy bush, and all those rose bushes (which incidentally are going to be getting a trim too!) In fact, I think the weather is supposed to be nice tomorrow. I think I might get me some fresh air -- and a step ladder.

PS - I wasn't actually the one who screamed 'Fuck you!'. But it sure did help to open my flood gates nonetheless. Next time, maybe. :) Now if you;ll excuse me, I need to go run about a dozen laps to burn off this energy.

Kind of Like Shooting Fish in a Barrel

2009-03-25T11:32:00.000-07:00

So, Zombiegrrl sent out a call to all of her west coast friends to help her and her husband complete their collection of quarters from all of the states. So, a) being a good friend, b) slightly OCD, and c) in desperate need of a break from all the other stuff I should be doing, I sat down with all of the jars of loose change we had around the house.

We have 4 milk jars full of change. Actually there used to be 5, but one was recently turned in at the bank, and the other 4 were queued up to go in as well, so her timing is pretty good. Anyhow, I dumped them out on the dining room table and went to town. I ended up finding 8 out of the 9 she needed, so I was feeling pretty good ('cause everything is a competition for me.)

After I'd dug out all her quarters, I realized we had a lot right there on the table -- how close to a full set did we have on our own? So I went through the pile a second time (even raided Mags' piggy bank!) and came up with 43 states, all in one sitting. It felt a bit odd; Z said she and hubby had been collecting them since 1999, and here I was, after they'd all been released, going through 5 years of change in one fell swoop and nailing more than 80% of them all at once.

Ironically, I'd only be *2 quarters* short of having a full set if I hadn't been helping friends. Yep, 5 of them I'll be shipping across the country to my poor, poor friends who have been struggling for so long and fighting the good (quarter) fight. And I'm irritated all right. No, not 'cause the

And random coin trivia: pennies are made almost entirely out of zinc, not copper.

Quite the Learning Experience

2009-03-23T21:37:00.000-07:00

I'm hard at work at my second set of costume illustrations. I have to admit, I'm learning a bunch in the process. No, not the ho-hum costuming stuff, but weird little bits of trivia and whatnot. Based on the notes I got from the director, I've had to do some reading on Mark Twain, learned the history of Colonel Sanders, the WPA, and was introduced to a word I'd never heard before: zaftig. All of this just because of some silly costumes! My horizons are getting broader -- as is my waistline with all of these midnight oil cookies I tend to eat. Dammit!

Fascinating Article!! (If you're a mom, anyhow)

2009-03-23T10:18:00.000-07:00

Someone on the local Mom's Club sent this article to the list. I almost skipped over it, but am really glad I didn't, because once again I stumbled across someone else saying what I'd been afraid to say for a long time for fear of being labeled a 'bad mom' or somesuch.

The article is titled "The Case Against Breastfeeding", which immediately set off all of my hippie sirens and alarms. Yes, a goodly portion of the article talks about discrepancies in the claims of benefits for breastfeeding your child. But what caused me to sit up was to hear another breastfeeding mom talking about how much it, well, kind of sucked to have your life taken over by breastfeeding. To admit to being angry and resentful watching your husband freely walk out of the house to go to work and live a normal life while you had a child strapped to your breast. To say out loud how many hours of a day you actually lose to feeding alone, much less other child related activities. To say that breast feeding takes most of the equality out of marriage, regardless of how well intentioned it is or how you both decided on the choice.

If you've got the time (its a 3 page article,) read it. By all means, I'm not trying to turn anybody off of breastfeeding - I breast fed for 2 years; I'm still way to programmed to think that there are health benefits to it, plus there is a level of bonding to it that I will forever be grateful I got with my child - but I found it INSANELY refreshing to finally hear someone admit not only out loud but in a nationaly published MAGAZINE that there *is* a downside to breastfeeding, if not several.

I'd also love to hear what folks think about the article after reading it. Please leave comments.

R.I.P.

2009-03-23T09:29:00.000-07:00

"Sally" Salamander, unknown-3/21/09

A longtime resident of a Deadwood City front yard garden, Sally went missing from her Rubbermaid sandwich container on the bathroom counter and was presumed dead last Saturday evening. Cause of death is unknown, but could be contributed to being subjected to mutliple turns on the trampoline, being stuffed into a plastic easter egg, being rolled across the dining room table like a Play-Doh snake, or just being repeatedly mauled by a 4 year old in general.

Sally is survived by a dozen brothers and sisters, all of whom were smart enought to hide better in the garden when the alarm was sounded. She is predeceased by her friends Snail, Slug, and a large number of Worms who have gone to their fates in similar fashions.

Details on a service have yet to be determined. Mom or Dad will probably be the pallbearers; interment will most likely be the trash can. A memorial fund has been established and any donations can be sent directly to Mags' piggy bank.

Orange Ya Glad I Didn't Say Theater?

2009-03-15T22:04:00.000-07:00

Turns out we have a developing card shark on our hands. Not poker, not bridge -- oh no. Uno. Mags is totally in love with the game Uno. And she's amazingly good at it too (and that's not just my uterus talking, either.)

The neighbors had a very similar game at their house - albeit with a fairly nerdy outerspace theme - thay we were invited to play a few weeks ago. Not only did Mags really take to it, when she lost she didn't freak out and start thrashing on the floor or pouting and sobbing (my daughter is known for refusing to play 'winning' games, because she so hates to lose. I have no idea where she gets it from.) In light of this fantastic development, I ran to the store and grabbed a copy of the game. Sure enough, she was off and running with it, and within two quick rounds, no longer wanted my help! She can't quite hold all the cards in her hands, so she lays them out on the floor behind a tall book, which works for everyone. But other than the cards can totally hold her own when playing against the grown ups.

Can I just tell you about the look of glee that shines from my daughter's face when she gets to play a skip or a reverse or a draw two on one of her parents? She can hardly contain herself. And the draw 4s? Oh happy day! Mostly its just great to see her enjoying herself and not getting upset. I admit I hold my breath when someone lays a skip or a draw x on her, waiting for the usual freak out. But with one small exception out of the hundreds of rounds she has since made us play, she hasn't gone there. She's also pretty good about shaking hands with everyone at the end of a round and saying 'good game', whether she won or lost (a rule that we made up to try and curb her poor sportsmanship at the height of her pouting, but we found that we try to use it with each other too.)

I wish my grandma could see her playing, as its part of my childhood memories with her, and god willing my grandma will still be around the next time we head back to MKE. The image of the two of them playing cards together warms my heart something terrible!

More Theater; Stage and Film

2009-03-15T21:45:00.000-07:00

Went to go see 'Wicked" at the Orph3um Theater in SF last night with Husband and J&E. Have been wanting to see this show since it opened in SF back in, oh, 2003. Sold out that whole first run before I even knew it was coming to town, and as it is, for last night's tickets I had to buy them last October AND we were in the very last row of the topmost balcony! Whew!

However, the O is not the biggest theater in the world and we could see evrything just fine. And damn, what a show! I of course was in utter awe of the costumes - I often didn't know where to look! I wanted to buy a program to be able to keep images of them, but the books were prohibitively expensive, sadly. Technically it was pretty fantastic too, and I can see why they have someone who's job title is 'Flying Monkey Specialist'. Really. And the lights, and the stage in general? It was all just stunning. The whole package. Can't wait to see it when it comes back to SF in 6 more years. :D (happy sigh)

I also took myself to see the 'Watchm3n' the other night. Hmmm. I left the theater thinking "Who watches the Watchm3n -- and WHY?!" I am not one to walk out on a movie, but I almost did -- 3 separate times! It just went on and on and on. I had read the book several months ago, and I think that was part of the problem. The movie does such an amazing job of faithfully recreating the book nearly frame for frame that I was bored. Bored, bored, bored. I knew exactly what was going to happen for the entire thing! Well, except for the parts where I had forgotten exactly how violent this story is. (Urp.) On the other hand, if you didn't read the book, I could see how you'd be fairly confused. **rant below

What can I say? Husband came home after seeing this movie with a damp ring on the front of his pants. I probably should have known better.

** Spoiler/rant! below

And the whole penis uproar? Good grief. For all the flap I heard about it I expected Dr. Manhattan to be pole dancing with the camera at crotch level! Fully erect! Possibly even a second penis involved! But no, there were just a few scenes of full frontal from a bit of a distance. Wha-hoo. Stupid, prudish Americans. What, do these people have sex in the dark with their eyes closed too?!? I think as a culture we've been 'spared the rod' too many times, if ya know what I mean.

In Other Costume Related News

2009-03-15T21:04:00.000-07:00

Went in for the first reading down in PA today. Met the director, the other writer, and the cast. Embarrassingly I was late, but luckly not the lat-EST (had some trouble trying to find not only parking but the correct building on campus. Yikes!)

Everything went really well, and it was great to hear the script read out loud. Really makes it 10x better for me. I always had trouble in english classes and whatnot back in the day. I can never get the full impact from just reading a play. I don't get the inflictions and such, and I feel like the stories always suck. The stories were not the be-all-end-all with today's read through, but they were loads better and, lo! actually contained funny parts as well. Who knew? I just though they were painful!

My first set of sketches for one of the two plays is due this Wednesday. Luckily its the simpler of the two in that it takes place in present day, but there's still a bit of a challenge (in my mind, anyhow) in making the characters not look like they could have just stepped on stage out of the audience. Plus, I pay no attention to modern fashion. I think its all pretty ridiculous. Actually need to grab some magazines tpo make sure the ideas I have are at least in the ballpark. Anyhow, I expect there will be somre revisions when I show her my sketches, bu tthat is to be expected. Am looking foreward to designing the other show more; while its not a period piece, it is also supposed to be of no particular time/era, including somewhat now. And there's a specific color scheme. I feel like I can be somewhat more creative here as opposed to just rfling throug someone's closet and making them wear it on stage.

Oh, and I found out what my budget for costumes will be. While its not a hollywood budget, and I'm still a pretty frugal shopper, let's just say I'm not worried that I'm going to run out of money. Wow. I am loving the idea that shopping is part of my job description! :D

I Kinda Feel Bad, But Not Really

2009-03-15T20:53:00.000-07:00

I'm continuing to troll CL for more costumign jobs. Yes, I still have my design gig in Palo Alto, but that'll be over mid-May (always looking for the next job; an unfortunate side effect of being in costumes.)

Stumbled across another desn posting for Up and Coming Theater. And guess who? My friend the preschool teacher again! Still plugging away at trying to find someone to come in and work for $50. The posting is a bit more up front this time, but still not entirely. 9 hours of work, plus you have to make the costumes on your own time. Still no mention of the not-exactly-a-real-theater environment, though.

This is at least the 3rd posting for this job that's gone up since I interviewed. Today was the first time she's said a portfolio isn't necessary. The desperation is starting to show a bit, and its a little sad to watch. But not entirely sad as she has such completely unrealistic expectations. That part is almost more painful.

Things My Daughter Likes and Dislikes

2009-03-11T16:43:00.000-07:00

Not to bore you with the minutae of our lives here; meant more as a record for what Mags was like when looking back through the ages through our hologramaphone of the future.

Likes:

beets
hard boiled eggs
bananas (boy howdy!)
chocolate milk
chicken and fish
stretchy pants ONLY (the tighter the better)
pretending to be an animal; specifically a baby animal
chapter books (but only Junie B. Jones)
drawing and generally making art
sleepovers
going to the pool center
anything 'barbie' (all small girl-shaped toys including polly pockets, barbies, and hanna montana)
flip flops
only taking things along "Just in case, right mom?"
pulling down her underpants and sticking her butt in the air (gets that from dad)
balance board
playing with and watching herself on the Flip video recorder
worms, snails and slugs (let's em crawl all over her)
the beach
face painting
being picked up last from school
Peep and the Big Wide World
having her back scratched :)

Doesn't like:
boring grown up talk
jeans, or any non-knit pants
any clothing in dark blue or red ('boy clothes')
hamburgers
hot dogs
peanut butter and jelly
green smoothies
pears
bedtime
not getting her way
being the last one picked up from school
cole slaw (aka spinach)
loud noises
playing games in which she might lose

Offspring Story of the Day

2009-03-11T16:40:00.000-07:00

Heard coming out of the bathroom:

Mags: Mom! I just made a football poop! Oh, no wait - its just a baseball!

*************************************************************************************
And at dinner last night:

Me: Come here, sweetie.
Mags: Yes, what is it, madame?

When It Rains...?

2009-03-11T16:24:00.000-07:00

I actually had to turn down a job today. Granted, it was for the well-intentioned but *slightly* unrealistic pre-school teacher from last week. She actually called me Monday evening and left a message, but, ooops! I was at another job interview. Who knew?

Really though, I was just dragging my feet in responding; I'm not known for my skill in turning people down or saying no. Usually my MO is more ignore-the-problem-until-they-give-up-and-go-away. Trying to break that cycle, though.

Lucky for me she emailed and gave me an easy out that way. I could politely turn down the offer AND not have to do it face-to-face (or at least over the phone,) plus it let me use the left-my-phone-at-home excuse, too. Thought about using the haven't seen-my-phone-in-days excuse, but I figured she wouldn't buy that -- even if it is often the truth on this end.

Anyhow, uncomfortable situation dodged, maturity avoided, refusal given, better job obtained. Wins all around!

I'm Almost Afraid to Say It Out Loud

2009-03-10T09:55:00.000-07:00

Dear Universe,

Please don't jinx me for telling people about that (gulp) new job I landed last night. You know the one - the COSTUME DESIGNER position for that theater down the peninsula? I know, I know, I can hardly believe it either! I am truly afraid that if I talk about it too much it will deflate and there'll be nothing there. Please Universe, help a sister out with this one, ok?

But they've already sent me the scripts to start reading over, so I guess I am really and truly in. What a bizarre combination; feeling like I am floating out of my body and screaming through the atmosphere with happiness, fighting with the weight of terror weighing me down in my stomach. Yay, I've arrived! and, holy crap! what have I just gotten myself into?!?

I'm not even mad at you for getting such a crappy night's sleep last night. Hell, being that excited, anyone would've been tossing and turning. Frankly its the best reason I've had in years for sleeping like ass. (But a good 6-7 straight hours tonight would be appreciated. Thanks.)

Did you think it was funny last night when I actually wished I had Tw1tter, just so I could tell the world about my good news? Yeah, that was probably one of the only times I'll ever wish that, but I think it was a pretty good reason. And walking home seemed to only take about 10 seconds. Had to do it, too. There was no way I could've sat still in a car. Was vibrating waaay too much.

Oh, and I want to thank you for not having me dribble indian food on myself before the interview, or show up with, say, an entire bunch of spinach stuck in my teeth. I really appreciated that. Really. The make up looked pretty good too, huh? And he didn't even see to mind the bright orange corduroy pants I was wearing. I think I'm gonna like working with these folks.

Anyhow, its you and me, right, Universe? Working together? Helping each other out? I'm counting on you for this one. I'll figure out a way to make it up to you. I promise.

Talk to you later -
Me

P.S. Did I mention I liked how you decorated last night? That thing with the stars and the full moon? That was genius. And I'm not just saying that.

New Glasses!

2009-03-10T09:48:00.000-07:00

Picked up my new glasses yesterday. LOVE THEM! No buyers remorse or ANYthing. Good color, love the shape, and I look like a girl! Sweeet!

Bonus points to Husband for noticing within 10 seconds of seeing me in them, too.

The Birth of a New Running Joke

2009-03-10T09:43:00.000-07:00

Based on a true story. The names have been changed to protect the COMPLETELY DEAF!

*********************************************************************************
(in the car)

Me: What time will we get there?
Husband: The little red house.
Me: (pause) I beg your pardon?
Husband: Down the street. You know.
Me: Are you completely insane?
Husband: What?!?
Me: WHAT TIME WILL WE GET THERE?
Husband: Oh!

No Offense Future Man, But...

2009-03-09T16:37:00.000-07:00

Click on image to enlarge (I think.)

Things Are Going To Start Happening To Me Now!

2009-03-09T10:01:00.000-07:00

A few weeks ago, I was contacted by someone on Flickr in regards to a photo I had posted a while back. "Congratulations!" it said. "Your photo has been selected as a finalist to be part of our webpage. If selected your photo will be seen by people as part of our interactive map blah, but we need your approval and information before we can proceed. If selected, we'll let you know in a few weeks. Oh, and ps, we're not paying you."

Well! The attention whore in me leapt up and oops! accidentally tore her bodice in the process (are those MY bosoms spilling out? Oh how terrible!) A chance to have my name in print somewhere? Sign me up!

And sure enough, a few days ago I got The Call (or in this case more correctly, The Email.) "Congrats! Your photo has been selected to be part of the sixth edition of our San Francisco guide!" Whoo hoo! I'm somebody now! My picture is on a website no one has ever heard of! The world is mine!

If you are interested, here's the link to my photo. And this is what it looks like if you have an iPhone. Ooooh, aahhh. Go look quick! It's only going to be up for a year! (Spilling bosom sold seperately.)

Surreal Job Interview

2009-03-06T10:43:00.000-08:00

Like many americans, I am looking for a job. To be honest, a paid internship would also pretty much rock my world, 'cause even if the pay is kind of crappy, at least you are garnering experience and more stuff to put on the resume.

So I responded to a posting on Craigslist for a gig at a children's theater. Very VERY small - only about 9 hours worth of work - and very VERY small pay - only about $50. But having 'experience with kids theater' on the resume would look good, an there's always the whole making-new-contacts angle, so sure, I applied. Got a call back, can I come in for an interview? Sure, I said, and hung up slightly puzzled. Really, I was going to have to interview for a 9 hour, $50 gig? But nevertheless, I went.

I arrived at the address that had been given to me. My heart sank a little. Because 'children's theater' had just become 'local daycare'. Dammit. That was NOT what had been exactly advertised in the CL posting, although I GUESS you could interpret it that way. But I had hope.
Maybe this was her day job. Maybe the theater was off-site and we were just meeting here.

I came inside, and while waiting for the other applicant to finish, I walked around looking at finger paint art and sleeping mats. Then I was invited to come on up and have a seat. I looked down at the chair and table built for someone 30 years younger than me and barely suppressed a snort. I folded awkwardly down.

The woman interviewing me was probably 10 years younger than me. Braids with daisies at the tips poked out from beneath a 1970's macrame beret. "Did you bring your resume and references?" she asked me.

Immediately I was on the defensive, because of course I hadn't. And then even I - who admittedly is prone to feeling guilty about everything - realized this was kind of ridiculous. Resume and references?! For 9 hours and 50 bucks? For a gig that was going to be slapping costumes on preschoolers?! Sorry, Pippi Longstocking, but no.

But I was able to show her my portfolio, which was fine, and we talked (plus she *did* have my resume in her email inbox, which she hadn't bothered to print out.) Eventually I kind of bluntly asked her to tell me more about the job, as I was getting the feeling that this was nothing like I was expecting. And it wasn't. Basically it was the school's end of session program for the parents of the 4-5 year old's held there at the school. And that's it. It all sounded very cute, I will admit, and part of me was still kind of willing to do it, because a) preschoolers are pretty fucking cute, b) for looking like a kid herself, the woman was very into what she was doing and it was kind of addictive, and c) hey, $50 is still $50. That's at least...two family dinners I wouldn't have to cook at home.

But then we got down to one last teeeensy detail. The 9 hours didn't include making the 15 costumes they needed. Nor the shopping for the materials. I did the quick math, and suddenly there was at least, say, an extra 15 hours tacked on. 25 hours. $50.

I sat there in my midget chair, with my knees up by my ears, holding my ridiculously expensive leather portfolio, crazy overdressed and wearing makeup, and I realized, you know, this is not the job for me. Hell, even my inner id looked up at me and said, she's fucking kidding, right? So I closed up the portfolio, politely shook hands, and headed out. I passed the next applicant on the way and I tried to channel "Its not what you think! Turn around and just leave!", but I don't think he heard me.

I'm not sure there has ever been a point in my life where I have desperately hoped NOT to get a job. But I guess there's a first time for everything. Best part is, eight people applied for this job. EIGHT! Just more proof of how crappy the job market really is right now...

Thursday Lessons

2009-03-06T10:38:00.000-08:00

It is best *not* to get a makeover at the mall as a means of getting free makeup right before a job iterview. Learn from my mistake, grasshopper.

Offspring Story of the Day

2009-03-06T10:35:00.000-08:00

Me: Ok, we've got your lunchbox, your umbrella, your sleeping buddy -- oh, don't forget to grab the card you drew for L!
Mags: I'm not going to give it to her.
Me: Why not?
Mags: Well, 'cause it has potty stuff on it.
Me: What? Show me! Where?!
Mags: See, this here? This is daddy, and this is his penis, and he's peeing. So I can't give it to L now.
Me: You know, that's probably a really good idea...

Sleep Solution?

2009-02-26T10:00:00.001-08:00

Dare I dream? Literally?

Thanks to everyone for the kind comments re: sleeping. Even virtual hugs are helpful during this. But I think I may have stumbled onto something...

So, me on the big smoothie kick. I've still been doing it, at least 5x a week. Still working pretty good for me, minus the blaoting (another post.) About a week ago, I accidentally went two days in a row where I forgot to take my morning vitamins/supplements with said smoothie. I actually slept kind of decent by the second day. Feeling bad about missing my pills and such, I immediately got back on the wagon. Suddenly, my sleep went to shit again.

Being the astute person I am (sleep depravation card here), my brain sort of mulled this over for about a week before staggering to the conclusion that, hey, maybe there's some sort of connection. And do we still have cheese puffs in the cabinet?!?

So for the last two days I've had almost no extra anything pill-wise to help me feel better**. No multi vitamin, no B vitamins, no D-ribose. Thought I'd testthe theory that these energy boosters, even though taken before 9am every day, might still be in my system while I'm trying to sleep. Not changing any of the other variables: still avoiding napping during the day, still no caffeine, still going to bed around 10ish. And the results?

Well, I haven't been crashing nearly as hard in the afternoons. Still tired by bed time, but able to mostly function through the evening. Feeling less foggy, although still some of that. But the best part is the sleeping. Two nights ago I only remember waking up 3-4 times, and last night, I have no recollection of waking up at ALL! Wonder of wonders! Still a bit tired in the morning, but not dear-god-kill-me kind of tired. More of a normal blech-is-it-really-morning? tired.

So I'm going to keep this up for another couple of weeks I think, to really see if I can notice a trend line, or a lack of one. Then may start adding things back one at a time - oh so slowly - to see if there's another change back in the Bad Sleeping direction. I'm twitching a little bit because I am so used to taking a vitamin and am trying so hard to get healthy that I feel like I am hurting myself by NOT taking one, but if it is the culprit, good bye vitamins! Same goes for the supplements!

If this is what the problem turns out to be, I've got some conflicting feelings about it. Immediately the 'I'm-an-idiot-for-doing-it-to-myself' though leaps in, but amazingly I'm not wallowing in it. If it turns out to be true, well then yes, idid kind of shoot myself in the foot, but I did it by trying to add things that were good for me, and who don't have this effect on 98% percent of the rest of the population (that I know of.) So I can't really beat myself up, 'cause who knew? Mostly I have this growing sense of relief that I may have figured out what is going on. Oh god, please let me have figured out what is going on!

Keep your fingers crossed for me!!

** still taking the glucosamine, and a probiotic for the bloating. Both of which I started after the sleep problems started.

"Good News!", Part 2

2009-02-20T10:18:00.000-08:00

All things are relative. Including the phrase 'good news'.

For example, when I was at the doctor's office. I sat in the with the main surgeon and his assistant (Dr. S., who I like much better.) The surgeon pulled out my file and basically told me that the results from the sleep study were back; according to the results I no longer have obstructive sleep apnea, or sleep apnea at all. Normal sleep is 5 episodes per hour (everyone wakes up SOMEtime while they are sleeping,) and that my number was three. So, while I may still not be sleeping great, at least I have the health benefits of not having apnea,like reduced risk of heart disease and heart attacks, etc., etc. Do I have any questions?

I had basically turned to stone in my chair by this point, but I did managed to squeak out, "Yeah, then why do I still sleep like ASS?!"

He went on to explain that for some people, even after they have the surgery they still ave sleep issues, and that I'd probably have to see some sort of sleep specialist who would work with me on my sleep hygeine: things like not napping during the day, or drinking caffeine after certain hours of the day, or not usig the computer or tv right before bed, or avoiding alcohol, etc.

Thats when my eyes started to well up. Because I already do that stuff. And here was this stiff guy who was obviously just rattling off his routine list. I mean, I get that his job was to perform surgery on my jaw to make my airway clear and he did that, and for all intents and purposes he was sucessful. But really, at that point I WANTED to hear that I needed more work - my tonsils, my legs, ANYTHING! - just so that I had something else to hold on to, some reason that I was still sleeping poorly, even if that meant it wasn't quite over. But instead I was kind of given a 'clean bill of health' as it were.

The surgeon wrapped up and headed out of the office. I was left with Dr S. I do love that man. He actually paused to acknowledge that I was really upset, and tried to get me to not give up hope. He started talking about different avenues that could be tried. He started flipping throug hmy file to make sure there was something he hadn't missed. He admitted that he expected me to be sleeping much better that I was with the results I had from the test. He offered to ask the technician to rerun the results. He was going to personally call a great sleep doctor he knew who he felt could really be of help. Really, he was kind of there for me when I needed it. He even got me kleenex while I wept.

I pulled myself together enough to make it through the lobby without embarassing myself and got to the truck. Per instructions I called Husband with the results, who was floored when he heard what I had to tell him. He had been so sure it was tonsils; we'd rip those out easy peasy, and then all would be well. He even offered to cancel some meetings and come home if I wanted him to, which was very sweet. Mostly though he just listened to me sob.

I ended up going to lunch with My friend Joj instead; I hadn't seen her in a few weeks, and I knew sitting at home alone after my news would be a Bad Idea. We were hanging out and chatting, and I started talking about something that to me was Good(ish) News. (For the record, I also thought it was something she already knew about.) Unfortunately, I accidentally made her cry and really hurt her feelings pretty bad (can I just say how incredibly unintentional that was?!?)

Between the news of the morning and the last straw of hurting one of my best friends, I kind of shut down emotionally. I basically aborted lunch, went straight home, and slept for 4 hours. I figured I'd probably sleep like ass that night anyhow, and it was better than stepping in front of a bus. I didn't wake up until after 6.

Later that night, I went to Jojs house, in a much better frame of mind to talk about stuff. But really, I left that conversation feeling like the damage had been done, and that our relationship isn't going to be quite the same ever again. And not in a good way. So I went home to sleep on it. For whatever good that does me these days.

Random Thoughts

2009-02-20T10:16:00.001-08:00

As I walked into the doctor's office the other day: "Holy crap! I totally forgot to put on underwear today!"

Even more random: "I'm glad I'm wearing pants!"

"Good News!", Part A

2009-02-18T10:38:00.000-08:00

"Good news!" my surgeon cried on the message. "Give me a call back so I can tell you in person!"

It seems as though my test results from my most recent sleep study are back. The test was about two weeks ago. The message? From a week ago. Just got it last night (what can I say? I left my phone charger in WI and had to get my shit together enought to go but another one!)

So. Apparently there is good news. I have mixed feelings about this. Like, how can he say good news? I still sleep like ass. Good news as in they've figured out what the problem is and can fix it? Again? Good news to me is, Here! Take this magic pill once and it will all be fixed! I am doubtful that will be what he tells me today. Good news to me is not, are you ready for your next surgery?

And I also have this fear that he will tell me that my test results came back great. That this'll all start slipping and sliding down that 'psychosomatic' path like when they were trying to figure out why I felt icky last time (tumor.) Or worse yet that this is the best I'll ever get.

But I am guessing. I trust my doctor, and he's never blown sunshine up my ass to date. In fact, I trust him so much I chose to stay with him even when it meant we'd be out of our insurance plan and this would all cost more. Guess the least I can do is extend that trust for another hour, eh?

I'm scared. I want this to be done.

Speaking of Stupid...

2009-02-17T14:40:00.000-08:00

Mags has a new favorite things! And its name is... chapter books!

More specifically, its name is Junie B. Jones, the book series. I've managed to score most of the 20+ book set from the thrift store over the months - starting when she was, oh, still a babe in arms - 'cause they looked like a good bet. At the beginning of the series, we meet Junie, who is just starting kindergarten. It seemed like a good idea.

And Mags LOVES them! They don't have a lot of pictures, but she has been totally sucked into them. Husband and I have read and reread the first two 80+ page books at least three times each this weekend alone. Mags demands that we read nothing else. She giggles and chortles and squeals with laughter through the whole thing. Because...

Junie B. Jones is filled with Bad Words. Yes, our 5 year old heroine has got a bit of a bad attitude, and loves using words like 'stupid' and 'dumb' and 'I hate...'. Granted, she is not hurtling epitaphs and racial slurs, nor do I think its terribly off base for the author to assume kids this age like to use those kinds of words. But if those are the kinds of words that really aren't allowed in your house, then we've got a bit of a conundrum. Because suddenly these ARE the kinds of words that are being used in our house, ya dig?

We've had to have several talks with Mags already about the frequency with which these words are now being used by our own Junie imposter. And I'm torn - Mags has always enjoyed book time, but has never absolutely demanded that we read to her this much. Plus she's sitting through 80+ page books (granted, double spaced, but still!) which has got to be good practice for really getting into reading on her own and more chapter books, and I figure exposure to a kindergarten setting through boks can only help prepare her for the real thing which'll be starting this fall (gulp!) But really, she's latched onto the whole negative 5 year old stereotype pretty strongly.

I'm hoping if Husband and I keep explaining that its not ok to use those words like that with us and that Junie does/says a bunch of things that are funny in the books but maybe not so nice in real life that this will eventually calm down and be less of a Big Deal. I really want Mags to continue to enjoy books, and I don't want to have to tack a lecture onto the end of each one, but if this keeps going, I may have to give the Junie B. books a Time Out.

You Are Getting Very Sleepy...

2009-02-17T14:28:00.000-08:00

I've long had suspicion that one of the reasons I am often so stressed out is because of the sleep deprivation. Yes, there are the obvious struggles; constantly running to appointments, the uncertainty, the anger, etc etc., but I'm talking about something different.

I think my body keeps itself in a semi-permanent stressed mode on purpose so that I just don't fall asleep while standing there. Today, for example. I have acupuncture again this afternoon like I do every week. And I'm betting like I almost always do, I'm going to fall asleep - regardless of the fact that my facial muscles are tic-tic-ticking away - just because I am being forced to lie prone and quietly. Relaxing. And today I sat down with a book that discussed the technique of deep breathing and three-minute meditation techniques. Yep, I was out by about breath number four. Relaxed myself right into unconsciousness - AND this was after 10 hours of sleep* AND my usual fistful of daily vitamins and supplements to help me stay awake.

Yep, I bet my brain is physically making me stay awake most of the time. Stupid, hyper-responsible, pesky ole BRAIN.

*And per usual, I mean my usual sleep-with-constant-wakenings.

What Do You Think It Means?

2009-02-16T19:42:00.000-08:00

I got an email from someone tonight that contained nothing but the letters EOM in the subject line. Nothing in the body at all. Assuming, nay, knowing this person doesn not particularly like me, would I be safe to assume this is some sort of dig that is just flying over my head?

Curious...

FUCK NOOOOOOO!

2009-02-10T14:52:00.000-08:00

GODDAMIT!

I had all sorts of secret plans, and all I was doing was trying to get together a NAME for my fucking sandwich, and registration completely filled up! FUCK! FUCK! FUCK!

I even spent all of last night making homemade Portuguese Sweet Bread for my sammie! FUCKITY FUCKITY FUCKITY! (* bread is not hard to make, and involves a lot of sitting around watching movies, but still.)

I am incredibly disappointed! I was SOOO looking forward to participating in the sheer silliness of it. Plus I was feeling really proud of myself for trying something new - cooking, fer god's sake!

Wow. I am blown away with disappointment. I even had not one but TWO good names (thank you, friends.)

Le sigh. I've put myself on the waiting list on the off off chance that someone else cancels. Now I'm going to go burn an offering to the grilled cheese gods (god knows I can burn grilled cheese when I put my mind to it,) and hope for the best.

Librarians are Fine People

2009-02-10T13:48:00.001-08:00

I dashed into the library today while on an errand running-burst to pay a late fee I knew was simmering there.

"Can I help you?"
"Yes, I have a fine to pay." Library card exchanges hands. A pause.
"That'll be $83.50"

For the record, the New Webster's dictionary does not make such a fantastic tome for fanning a prone person. For starters, its weight makes it very hard on the wrists when swinging back and forth, and secondly it tends to cause a nervous reaction when hovering a mere 4" above the face of someone who is only just returning to the conscious masses.

Whether out of kindness or an attempt to avoid a lawsuit, the kindly librarian reduced the charge down to a mere $40, as I had in fact returned all of the materials. Rising unsteadily to my feet, I recalled why number of purchases on Amazon.com had been so abundant in the past. Its just cheaper for me to flat out buy things than have to pay said ridiculous - if not self-inflicted - fees.

P.S. Title pun not intended, but I'm feeling pretty witty regardless.

Offspring Story of the Day

2009-02-10T13:42:00.000-08:00

Mags new favorite movie: Mary Poppins.

A few encounters we have had recently, humbly submitted for your approval...

* Whilst at a Chuck E. Cheese birthday party: Mags comes running up to me, her cup of tokens empty. "Mom! Mom! Can I have some more tuppence?"

* After having her broken umbrella replaced with a new one: "Its ok that this isn't like Mary Poppin's umbrella, mama. You can keep looking."

Good News! (Kinda...)

2009-02-09T17:28:00.000-08:00

Last week I applied for another small, temporary sewing gig on Craigslist. I didn't hear anything back, and as the post was almost a week old when I found it, I wasn't terribly surprised.

However, I got an email back today. Apparently, my resume is perfect! Great! And also apparently, the position has already been filled. Not so great. But, the guy said he'd save my resume for the next job coming up in August. So at least I've got that going for me.

Also, there's an upcoming event this March with a local community I belong to (you know who you are, hippies!) that I have volunteered to work a position for that - how sad - requires me to be in costume. Guess I'll have to get myself in gear and bang something out then, won't I? You know, for the portfolio. (Definitely not for any kind of personal satisfaction in being able to dress up or use a weak excuse to go shopping. No. NEVER.)

Job Hunting

2009-02-09T14:53:00.000-08:00

Well, like nearly 10% of our population, I too am looking for a job. 1) to make moohlah, 2) to get experience, and 3) to-get-myself-out-of-the-fucking-house-before-I-kill-again!! (pant, pant, pant) But I'm stuck. True, there aren't a lot of folks looking for costume stitchers right now, but I still can't seem to send out resumes because of the Dreaded Cover Letter.

Boy, am I bad at these. I have sort of a generic one I made in one of my pretend classes at school, and it's ok, but it still reads very stiff. And right now, I'm trying to apply to a job that has no actual openings. How in the hell do you write a cover letter for a company that isn't actually hiring without sounding like you're begging?!? Plus, it was suggested to me that I apply to this job by someone who used to work there, so then there's the delicate game of, well, name dropping, for lack of a better term. Now I'm old enough to finally get that many if not most jobs are acquired through who you know, but it still makes me uncomfortable. Just not my personality at all.

So, I've got Husband on the line and he is proof reading for me. I've been dragging my feet for weeks now, and I really just need to get this sent off if its gong to happen. Figers crossed!

This is the Age of Asparagus

2009-02-06T11:45:00.000-08:00

There was a big sale on asparagus at the store the other day. Only $1.50/lb, which is pretty damned good. So I bought 6 lbs. Turns out you can't just freeze it as is, but must first gently blanche it in boiling water for no more than 3 minutes before plunging it into an icy pool of freezing water. Then each stalk must be individually and gently pat dry lest its feelings get hurt, and then must be carefully ensconsed inside a plastic freezer bag, where all life giving oxygen must be sucked out.

Guess it wasn't really that big a deal when it was all said and done, plus I have a freezer full of asparagus now, but it was a bit unexpected. And now my pee stinks.

Next entry: We've got the Beet.

Truth

2009-02-04T11:35:00.000-08:00

"It is a beautiful and terrible thing, and should therefore be treated with great caution."

A. Dumbledore

Offspring Story of the Day

2009-01-27T19:41:00.000-08:00

Mags: Let's play the sock game.
Me: What?
Mags: You know, the sock game. "GetoutofthetubI'mdrowning!" (falls to the ground)
Me: What?
Mags: "Get-out-of-the-tub-I'm-drowning!" (falls to the ground again)
Me: Ummm, is this something you learned at school?
Mags: Yah! It was in the sock movie. He was in the tub and then he went down.
Me: Ahh. Of course.

Later that night...

Mags: (suddenly shouts) "GetoutofthetubI'mdrowning!"
(Mags and Mom fall to the floor)

Naptime

2009-01-27T19:35:00.000-08:00

So I didn't fall asleep at the acupuncture office yesterday. But I did catch at least 39 winks at physic al therapy today. Crazy, I know. But again, lying flat on my back, warm heating pad around my neck, and then gentle, repetitive circular massaging on my jaw? YEah, out like a light. I did wake up when he stuck his hands in my mouth and tried to tug my jaw off, though. And can I just say grape-flavored gloves my ass. Grape SCENTED, possibly, but they still taste like latex. Guess I was expecting something tastier, a la edible underwear. Yeah, in hindsight, maybe a bit naive.

The jaw is coming along though. I was also thinking that maybe being tired all the time is oddly beneficial. I can open my mouth much more than was expected at this stage, and I'm thinking maybe all that yawning has actually helped stretch those muscles out. Seriously. I'm gonna ask my doc about it the next time I talk to him.

Now THAT'S Tired

2009-01-26T13:42:00.000-08:00

So I've been keeping up with the acupuncture thing in hopes that it is helping sensation return to my moutrh/lips/chin. There's been some small improvement in that department, athough I'm not sure if its normal or if the acupuncture is helping. Regardless, I continue to go. If nothing else, I always get a nap out of the deal.

I have come to find acupuncture oddly relaxing. Sure, There's some adrenalin when the needles first go in - and I think that's way more nerves than any actual discomfort - but after that you're laid out on the table, legs slightly elevated, heating lamp to make sure you don't get cool, a darkened room and a towel over your eyes -- Combine this with my old and barely-improved-at-all sleep schedule, and voila! One comatose mama.

Case in point: last week I had fallen asleep as usual. I actually caught myself waking up because I couldn't breathe, but also as usual I was still very groggy and tried immediately to sink into sleep. That is, after I tried to roll over.

Remember where I am? The acupuncturist. Remember what he's working on? My fa---

Any vestiges of sleep immediately evaporated as the pillow pressed the needles deeper into my skin. Moving very carefully, I rolled back onto my back. I did a quick mental assesment to see how I felt: paralyzed? No. Blind? No. Pierced tongue? Negative. Soiled pants? Check.

Amazingly enough, I fell back asleep yet again. I'm going back in for another appointment this afternoon -- I went for about an hour long walk today and I of course have my usual constant fatigue from sleeping like ass, so chances are I'll be snoozing yet again. Note to self - do NOT roll over!

Pick a Card, Any Card

2009-01-26T13:30:00.000-08:00

On a whim, I approached an artist that was at a meeting we both attended last night. He makes sculptures via sewing, and I nonchalantly asked him if he ever needed help with the sewing part of it. Amazingly, his face lit up and he said "Yes!" Would you believe, we exchanged business cards and everything! I was shocked! (and very glad I still had a card left in my wallet.) Hell, half the point of approaching him was just to work on my social confindence, and I may have actually landed a (very small) job. Cool!

In other card news, I was rooting around in my Tar-get special wallet yesterday and stumbled across my FAA A&P (mechanics) license. Had completely forgotten it was on my person , as my pilot's licence does not seem to be. Got a little rush of "Oh yeah, that was cool and I kick ASS!" Also sort of mentally revisited aviation as an interest and confirmed that that is not what I want to do at this point in my life. Still keeping the license in my wallet, though. :)

For Emily

2009-01-21T15:27:00.001-08:00

"Its that building over there with the columns and the people smoking in front of it."

One More

2009-01-20T12:00:00.000-08:00

From PostSecret.com. Love the image, and agree with the message.

Welcome, President Obama!

2009-01-20T11:02:00.000-08:00

Wow, that feels good to say. :)

I'm betting the cheering at the inuaguration could've been heard from outer space. Seriously.

Husband and I were taking a poorly-planned tour of one of the local kindergartens and missed seeing it live (dammit!!) but I've been sucking down as much footage as I can since getting back home. The amount of bodies on the Mall was amazing. It seemed to stretch to the horizon. Makes me feel like I can say I was part of the crowd; just way, way, WAY in the back (what're state lines when we're talking about the inauguration, really?)

We've been trying to express the import of this day on Mags, although she is much more fascinated by the fact that someone SHOT Martin Luther King and KILLED him and then he was DEAD! (infliction by Mags.) SHe has been paying attention, though. In dropping her off at school today, we were passed by an African American man (presumably) on his way to watch the inauguration. He was dressed in what I assume was his Sunday finest: a natty peacock-blue, pinstriped zoot-suit type ensemble. Mags spoke up from the back of the car: "Is that the President?" Oooh, the imagination soars.

In closing, a few images I thought were great:

A little civil disobedience and

a sense of humor. :) Now I'm off to the store to see if there are any newspapers left. Congratulations, America!!

Extreme Dislike. I MIght Even Go So Far as to Say Hate.

2009-01-16T17:37:00.000-08:00

I used to hate my nose. It was the bane of my existance. I thought it was all people could see of me. It was sure as hell all I could see of myself.

Now here we are post surgery. My nose is wider, and has an extra little dip in it, a la amusement park slide. But I don't care anymore. Because now I have The Chin.

Oh god, do I have the chin. Horribly huge, it sticks out further than my nose now. My face is incredibly out of proportion. I get mistaken for a man even more than I did before the surgery. Hell, I knocked someone over with it the other day!! I turned my head quickly and whoosh! Swept their feet right out from underneath them.

Two things that have happened are really making this an issue for me. I was never real happy with my face post surgery, but have been trying INCREDIBLY hard to have a positive attitude -- you know, I feel better so it was all worth it kind of thing. Yeah, well my sleep has been for shit for the last month, and I'm afraid now that the whole thing was for naught, and all I got got from jaw surgery was this crappy chin. (Oooh, a t shirt, perhaps?)

And the more recent was last night at work. One of the volunteers for catering at the show last night was a pot-bellied man in a bad wig, fire engine red lipstick, nail polish, and a tshirt and jeans. And he/she was checking me out like mad. Even my co-worker noticed and teased me that I'd made a new friend. Now, don't get me wrong - god bless the trannies and all that - but being mistaken for one was horrible. As someone who has crappy self esteem to begin with, and really, y'know, likes being found attractive by a more mainstream flavor of man - hell, being noticed as a girl at ALL - this falls under the category of bad, bad, and bad.

Yeah, I don't really look in mirrors anymore. Don't really like looking at myself, to be honest.

So! My new plan?

a) Win the lottery.
b) Get chin reduction surgery. Oh yeah! I've already been looking into it AND have an email in to my surgeon to see if its feasible. Hoping that if everything heals up nicely that having my chin reduced won't undue any of the benefits of the surgery itsself. Of course I am second guessing myself all over the place now. Should I have had chin reduction surgery first? Would I have lived long enough to have and recover from chin reduction surgery before getting the surgery for the apnea? Will I have to live in a bell tower for the rest of my life?

Yeah. I'm battling some pretty aggressive depression about all this right now. I know a therapist who specializes in this sort of thing but - surprise! - she's not on our insurance plan, who incidentally are probably going to be shafting us a bit in the payment department. Fuckers. So if I seem a little quiet these days, its because I'm trying to not dwell on all the bad, or at least not out loud.

My goodness, such a cheeful post!

Trying Something New

2009-01-15T12:29:00.000-08:00

I was at Whole Fuds the other day, and there in their produce section they had a display of fruits and vegetables arranged inside a blender, with the actual produce around it for you to buy. I suddenly had a (halogen) lightbulb go off over my head, and I frantically searched around te display to see if they actually had any recipes for making fruit/veggie smoothies.

Backing up the story a bit, I've really really REALLY been jonesing for some veggies lately. Specifically veggies that arent potatoes. Oh, potatoes are good enough for ya, but after months and months of little else besides that, one starts to crave other foods. Plus potatoes aren't known for their fiber content, if you catch my drift. No, my body has actively been craving green veggies and salads, which are a) still to crunchy and hard for my still healing jaw and b) even th eleafy stiff doesn't work because my jaw is out of alignment, and while I can crush some items between my molars, I'm not getting that sort of pestle/mortar action yet and leaves just kind of get lost in my mouth.

Greens, greens, greens! How to get them without just overcooking the shit out of them? (Also gets very old.) So I ran home (interwebs!) to find some recipes and lo! I dragged up quite a few. Mostly frmo raw food/vegan sights, but no one's perfect. :) One in particular caight my eye: a woman had posted a 30 day challenge for readers to change nothing else in their diet or lifestyle (although it was good if you *did* make other changes..) than eat a 'green smoothie' once a day. That's it. No prizes, not a contest, just a personal challenge. So I thought I'd giove it a try. Not for 30 days, mind you - my propencity for bailing or getting bored is much too strong, and then I'd have to deal with the guilt, and what iof they taste bad, blah blah blah - but for 7 days. I could hang with this for 7 days, AND I gave myself a get out of jail free card if the first day was totally nasty.

Yesterday was the first day, and I enlisted Husband to try it along with me. I had all the supplies: 4 apples, kale, and water. That's it. Oh, and a slapsh of lemon juice to cut the possible bitterness of the kale. Bonus for me, this was an opportunity for me to use my *cough* too expensive *cough* blender we'd picked up for the surgery. Needless to say wackiness ensued, there was diahrreah green sludge on my robe and the cabinets and we had to downsize to the standard blender.

Yes, it was very, very green. Yes, it smelled like nothing but kale. Yes, I made Husband drink first. "Its not bad," he said. "Yeah it totally smells like kale, but it tastes just like apples. Might chill it a bit before trying it next time," he said, and he finished the glass. So I tried some, and it tuerns out Husband wasn't kidding. It was not a s smooth as I like my smoothies (had to wait for the first blenter to COOOL DOWN so that I could puree it more,) but it wasn't bad at all. ANd not surprisingly I had to run to the toilet about an hour later. These pipes are CLEAN, boy howdy.

So I tried it again this morning. Pear, blueberries and more kale (sale, 2 bunches for $5.) Not terribly exciting, y'know, basically pureed pears with a touch of blueberry thrown in, and no real notice of the kale except for the inital bouquet. We'll see how long this goes on for. Would love to lose a few more pounds, I like not feeling as bloated through my middle, and its purported to help with acne, which I have plenty of post-surgery. However I also like eating warm foods not that my internal temperature is running low, and this, while not chilled, doesn't give you that warminig-from-the-inside sensation. Like I said, we'll see.

Whew!

2009-01-14T12:09:00.000-08:00

Got a call from (one of my) doctor's office(s); turns out the results for my ultrasound a few days ago came back good! The mass/cyst/whatevah came back unchanged, if not slightly smaller! The NP said they'd probablly check it again in another year, round about the time I have my next barin surgery follow up MRI, bu tthey're super not concerned about it right now.

So, whew!

Grossest. Thing. Ever. And its in my HOUSE.

2009-01-13T10:34:00.001-08:00

(Do not read if eating. Seriously.)

We have pantry moths. Harmless little flying things that are so slow you can actually catch them with your hand. And not hundreds or thousands; just 2 or 3 a day.

But.

They're decimated our dry goods cabinet. Anything in an open bag? Completely chewed up. Anything in an UN-opened bag? Completely chewed up (they chew through plastic, apparently.) Cardboard boxes? In theory, they chew through those too, although we've not ripped ours open to see. Hell, they even chewed into an envelope of dry onion soup mix.

So, Husband and I spent the morning emptying out the cabinet and throwing everything away, sadly. I mean, it needed a going throug anyhow, but throwing away all that food doesn't just lean on my waste/guilt button, it HAMMERS on it over and over.

But the worst part? (And this is where it gets absolutely disgusting...)

If you have moths, you have - ta daa! - MAGGOTS. Call them what you want: weevils, worms, whatever - there are still squirmy little rice grains all over the fucking cabinet and in all of that food. Gag! Gag! Gag! Shudder! Barf! I am completly horrified. We even had - and I'm not sure why - maggots in our 'sealed' rolls of paper towels. AAauuuuuughhhh! Retch! Retch! Retch!

Good thing I got some excercise and breakfast before I encountered this; my entire day has been derailed. Mass scrubbing has commenced. Chemicals - as many as I can lay my hands on - have been pulled out. The exterminator will be called. Husband will be enlisted to help me overhaul the entire kitchen later today. Showers will be taken. Many, many showers.

And on top of it all I feel guilty! Like I've done something wrong and this is all my fault! I'm fairly embarrassed to even be writing about it. But I've been doing some research, and they're a somewhat common thing (if the moms on the Berkeley parents list can get them, then so can I.) Hell, you can bring them into your house with the food you buy, especially if you frequent the bulk bins, which we've been known to do.

So I guess the thing to do is be a little smarter with the way we store our food from now on: freezing anything we buy from bulk before consuming it, storing things in airtight containers, and eat out more.

(retches quietly into wastepaper basket)

No Pants, Jan 20

2009-01-09T12:21:00.000-08:00

That'd be tomorrow, folks.

Drop trou and hop on a public train in a city near you. I may have to have a drink or two first, but I am seriously considering doing it myself locally. Pictures will of course follow if I do.

Spoiler Alert!

2009-01-09T12:03:00.001-08:00

For the non-locals, here's a link to some video from the show that give a good idea of what goes on during it; if you're going to see it live I suggest to mebbe don't watch the video...

http://www.ktvu.com/video/18419122/index.html

Six Degrees of PORN CLOWNS!!

2009-01-09T11:41:00.001-08:00

Appoligies to those who weren't part of the back story, but I have to tell the story anyhow....

Working for this particular production at this particular location lends itsself very well to rubbing elbows with the East Bay/BM/artist/freakball community (and I'm not complaining about that!) So of course our make up woman had full dreads and piercings and our hairdresser was a full-on goth covered in tattoos who goes by the name of 3va D3struction. But everyone working the show was friendly and chatty and joking around.

At one point I heard 3va chatting with my boss and the name Ouch-y came up. I've only encountered one person by that name in my life, so of course I was filled with curiosity. Turns out she was talking about a certain friend of hers, a bondage/SM clown to be specific. I waited until she was done talking to A and then I sidled up next to her.

"I know Ouch-y," I said. "We hired him for a bachelorette party all the way over in Belmont one time."

"So you probably did all the..." 3va gestured with her hands.

"Yeah, there was plenty of shaving and piercing and the like."

She smiled. "Ahh yes, that would be Ouch-y, all right! He's great!"

I couldn't resist throwing in one last story. "Yeah, somewhere out there is a picture of me on my back, Ouch-y kneeling between my legs, my feet over his shoulders, and him holding a straight razor up in the air."

Which makes me think, I need a copy of that picture......

Excitement Everywhere!

2009-01-09T11:18:00.000-08:00

Yesterday was a grey, icky, blech kind of day. Driving across the bridge, the grey was all around me; over the water on either side of me, as far as the eye could see in front of me, and even in my rear view mirror. But I was nearly across the 10 mike span before I noticed it, because my head was full of color. The music was playing, and all I was thinking about was the opening night show, and the movement, and the costumes and the fire. I was a moving technicolor driving hazard in its most spaced out form.

Opening night KICKED ASS! I love love love being able to say I was part of it, too! It went off without a hitch, both production-wise and costumes. And the crowd really seemed to enjoy it too - there was lots of feedback along the lines of "Best one they've done yet" that filtered back to us. Plus, working with A and M has been a hoot and a holler - I'm going to really miss them once this is all over.

And to add to the whole experience, after the show, Herr Direktor took the cast and crew out for free drinks which was cool in and of itsself (a little booze always helps me practice to be an extrovert,) but made even more exciting by the fact that the bar was ... TA-DAA! Downtown Oakland the night of the riots this past Wednesday! Yep, the bar was about two blocks from the worst of it, although by the time we got there the worst of it was already past. Didn't actually see any rioting at all, but must've past about 40 cop cars, streets were blocked off, cops were out in full riot gear, cans of tear gas (some sort of gas, at least) were still hissing in the streets, and I did see one of those large trailers with all the light bulbs for changing street conditions ("street closed from 12 am to 4 am / use alternate route") knocked over on the middle of a road. Oh, and at least two helicopters hovering over the otherwise deserted streets.

In hindsight, maybe parking my car and walking two blocks to the bar through a riot zone wasn't the smartest thing I could've done, but there was NO WAY I was going to miss opening night drinks with the rest of the cast/crew. NO. WAY.

Didn't work the show last night, but did go into the studio to do some repairs/detail work. Got today off and in theory have tomorrow off as well, but just got a text asking if I can work wardrobe/dressing tomorrow night as well. Not sure. Am enjoying the downtime, and also have not seen my kid a lot during Hell Week. Oooh, but I did learn to applique real Swarovski crystals (they're from Austria, you know!) to costumes. It was a veritable bedazzling party, I tell you! And I could tell you how I did it, but then I'd have to kill you. ;)

Busy, Busy

2009-01-05T08:03:00.000-08:00

Our show opens on Wednesday. Crazy busy in our little shop these days. (Did I mention our studio shares space with a certain well-known artist from the BM community?) I'm not sure my boss actually went to sleep last night. Sure am glad I'm just a meager stitcher, and a volunteer/intern at that. Have put it a couple of 10 hour days, and will have a few longer ones once the show opens and I am stitcher/dresser during the shows as well. Am going to try and get a few pictures today -- although unlike a previous experience of mine, I will be very careful this time about getting permission and not accidentally firing away like mad while I'm not supposed to be (ahem.)

More later.

Overheard

2009-01-05T07:59:00.001-08:00

Gleaned during a discussion with my boss.

An actual job title/decription for a certain show coming to SF: Monkey Wing Specialist. No lie.

How cool would it be to have that job? Or better yet, put it on your resume?!? (Faints with pleasure.)

A Day in the Life

2009-01-05T07:48:00.000-08:00

"How does it fit? Does it feel ok?"

"Mmm, it feels pretty good, but lemme check..." He kicked a few times, and then his hands spun through an abbreviated routine. Then he bent over and, placing his hands on the thread-strewn floor, lifted his body into a flawless handstand. After a few moments, his feet returned to earth and he stood up, saying, "Yeah, they fit just fine."

I love my job. :)

Happy Dance!

2008-12-22T11:52:00.000-08:00

(shakes booty)

I got a costuming internship

(electric slide)

here

(the Hustle)

doing this

(boogaloo)

starting tomorrow

(breaks out the pole)

Blindsided

2008-12-18T13:05:00.000-08:00

Well, I'm not sure if I just missed every email since September or I never got them to begin with, but I just found out Monday that my graduation ceremony - hat, tassel, crappy robe, etc. - is TOMORROW. Yeah! Time to hustle!

I did briefly consider not going through the hassle of trying to run around last minute, but then I realized, no, I've busted my ass for 5 years. I'm going to have the ceremony. Hell, if you count all of my aviation training that I also did and received no diploma/ceremony for, I've busted my ass for 10 years. Get the fuck out of my way! I'm gonna be first in line!!

So I swung past school yesterday, flashed my alumni card (giggle), and went to pick up my tickets for the ceremony. With mom recovering from chemo and grandma too old to fly -- and the fact that I just found out Monday -- as of yesterday the only person attending was going to be Husband, which was a bit sad (not that it was Husband, but the lone attendee standpoint.) Luckily KT expressed an interest in attending when I mentioned it was coming up, and desperate as it felt, I sent a note out to my friends asking if anyone else wanted to come and watch. Not quite how I thought it would go down, but fuck it. I'm graduating!

Also had to pick up my cap and gown yesterday. Talk about lack of pomp and circumstance. Small, plain plastic bag, all but wadded up in there. (Which reminds me I need to iron that thing tonight.) Then she threw in the tassle. Oooh, I'd forgotten that part. I suddenly pictured myself up on stage doing that thing where you move the tassle from one side to the other and my heart got all whoosh! and my tummy got all flutters! and I started grinning like an idiot. Then the cashier handed me everything and said "Congratulations". I just about floated out of the store.

In a way its all a bit anti-climactic; I received my diploma in the mail about a month ago, and I've been out of school for, what? Four months now? But I'm realizing now how big of a deal it actually is for me. In hooking up with my 'tribe' many many years ago, I always felt a little...less...than everyone else 'cause I didn't have a degree. We were all roughly the same age, and by no means did anyone ever say or do anything to make me feel like it was an issue. But I always felt a little dumber or that I had to try harder or whatever. Hell, I married someone who had three of the goddamned things, one of which was a Masters! Bit hard not to feel intimidated. That, plus the five-years-of-kicking-and-screaming-to-finish, yes, this is a Big Day. If you look past my weeping and sniffling, I'm actually damned proud of myself, which is not something I normally say. Go me!! Whoo hoo!

And you KNOW I am going to foist thousands of pictures on you from this!!

Staring Down the Barrel of a (Hot Glue) Gun

Rent is Paid!

Good News(s)!

Parenting Highlight (Not)

Awk-ward!

Frea-ky!

End of An Era

Guilt! Guilt! Guilt!

RIP Speedy

Day of Rest

Might Actually Have to Turn Down Some Work

What Do You Do When Stressed?

Offspring Story of the Day

Dropped Some Stuff of at the Thrift Store Today

Offspring Story of the Day

In Other News

Got Me Another Job! And Some More Stress!

Whoo Hoo!

Oh, And...

Quiet

Wrap Up

Feeling a Bit...Betrayed?

Fuck You, Kodak Gallery

I Love the Smell of Police First Thing in the Morning!

Some Combination

She Is Unused to Speaking About Herself in the Third Person

Survery Says....

But Will the Director Like It?

Biting Back Laughter

Attitude From the 9 Year Old?

Stripes: The Devil's Fabric

Taking a Chance

Hate My Face

Merry-Go-Round Trivia

Website

Oh, And I Forgot to Mention...

Finished a Costume Today

Angry Day

First Thing

Offspring Story of the Day

Offspring Story of the Day

Opinion, Please!

Unintentional Revenge is Even Sweeter

Rented Villain - Ha!

Eagle 2 Has Landed

When In Rome

Offspring Story of the Day

Absolutely Unapologetic

Kind of Like Shooting Fish in a Barrel

Quite the Learning Experience

Fascinating Article!! (If you're a mom, anyhow)

R.I.P.

Orange Ya Glad I Didn't Say Theater?

More Theater; Stage and Film

In Other Costume Related News

I *Kinda* Feel Bad, But Not Really

Things My Daughter Likes and Dislikes

Offspring Story of the Day

When It Rains...?

I'm Almost Afraid to Say It Out Loud

New Glasses!

The Birth of a New Running Joke

No Offense Future Man, But...

Things Are Going To Start Happening To Me Now!

Surreal Job Interview

Thursday Lessons

Offspring Story of the Day

Sleep Solution?

"Good News!", Part 2

Random Thoughts

"Good News!", Part A

Speaking of Stupid...

You Are Getting Very Sleepy...

What Do *You* Think It Means?

FUCK NOOOOOOO!

Librarians are Fine People

Offspring Story of the Day

Good News! (Kinda...)

Job Hunting

This is the Age of Asparagus

I Kinda Feel Bad, But Not Really

What Do You Think It Means?

Whew!