And Wackiness Ensued

I like to save my souvenir shopping until the very end of my trips, and so yesterday I grabbed my coat, stocked up my wallet, and headed out. Em wasn't available to join me, but she sent me off with two other women she knows, K and L, who frequent this particular market regularly. They were a hoot, and I really enjoyed myself with them.

We bundled up against the rain and cold and set out on the metro. The place we'd gone to was an open air market called something like Iz-LA-mov-da. People actually sold art and crafts here, as opposed to touristy kitch, although there were still enough martroushka dolls here to choke on. They also sold higher end fur hats, of which I will admit I stopped and looked at. Even tried a few on. And I really wanted to get one -- there are few other things besides those hat that so quickly say Russia to me. But alas, not being graced with with delicate, feminine features (read: a big head) none of the hats looked quite right on me. The colored ones at best made me look like a muppet ("Alll I need is googly eyes!") and at worst, the natural colored ones made me look like I was sporting an enormous mullet. And while 80's fashions are still oddly prevalent in Russia at times, I opted to pass on the more, err, retro look.

Both of the ladies area also teach at Em's school, so the mere fact that I was hanging out with english speakers - and funny ones at that - was great. We slowly drifed through the stalls, acquiring goodies and cracking jokes the whole time. K and L also took it upon themselves to be my agents as it were - they'd try to haggle down each and every vendor we stopped and spoke to. Its a very common practice to do that here, but not coming from that culture myself, it made me really uncomfortable to do it myself. Luckily K and L relished the opportunity and in hindsight saved me a bunch of money. My favorite line from a haggling vendor: "I'll drop the price 100 rubles AND give you two free bags!!" Snort.

Since my trip to St Petersburg, I'd really relaxed into Russia. I finally realized there was no way I was going to avoid people a) knowing I was a tourist and/or b) making a fool of myself over and over, so I basically stopped trying. I didn'ty go out of my way to be rude or anything like that, but I basically stoped caring what people thought. It felt really good to kind of cut loose in the market. This is not to say I didn't manage to still totally embarrass myself though - just that I was able to let it go immediately when I did. Example:

Me: (at glasswear stall)
K: Hey, can I sneak past you to see something on the other side?
Me: (no response, but I stick out my butt and pivot it around to try and block K from getting to the stall. I bump into something with my ass.)
Me: Oh, no, no, no....
K: (sidles up to the booth behind me, grinning.)
Me: There was someone else standing behind me, wasn't there?
K: Yep, there suuuuure was.
50 year old Russian man: (frowns at me over K's shoulder and shuffles off)
Me: Well, alrighty then! Gotta rememeber to throw myself in front of the Metro on the way home for *that* one.

Except that I didn't because we'd made plans to get Russian hot chocolate on the way home - thick, syrupy, eat-with-a-spoon kind of stuff - and dying on the tracks would've made that hard. So instead we stopped at a cafe on the way home.

By the time we'd gotten there, however, we'd gotten a little mixed up on the Metro line and had spend a good 30 minutes warming up on the train. After sweltering in my wool coat for al of that extra time, Hot cholcolate was the last thing I wanted, so I instead cruised the menu for cooler and more refreshing items. Hmmm, beverages: Lemon Fresh. Great! Lemonade; I'm in. Ooh, and mango sorbet. Perfect. I'm set.

I was a little surprised when instead of tall 0r even standard-sized glass the waitress plopped down a shotglass full of yellow liquid in front of me. "That's...cute, I guess," I mumbled. Then came the sorbet, which was a large, decorative glas dish...with a gumball sized scoop of sorbet right in the middle. Hmmm. so far I'm a little underwhelmed by my choices so far, but you know what? My throat is so hot all I want is just something cool to soothe it, regardless of size. I picked up the shot glass and tossed some down my throat.

The glass slammed back down on the table.

L: That's not lemonade, is it?
Me: (hoarsely, though a screwed up face) No, no that would be unsweetened lemon juice, actually. It *is* fresh, though. (cough, cough) Lots of vitamin C! (cough, cough)

So yes, good readers, if you ever find yourself 'round Moscow way and see 'Lemon Fresh' on the menu, be warned. Apparently the old saying about "when life gives you lemons..." is not well known at the cafes here. (cough, cough)

(Also, scooping sorbet into said juice to sweeten it did absolutely nothing except make the juice look like it was sporting a bad case of mold floating on top. But I still drank it all.)