Blindsided

Well, I'm not sure if I just missed every email since September or I never got them to begin with, but I just found out Monday that my graduation ceremony - hat, tassel, crappy robe, etc. - is TOMORROW. Yeah! Time to hustle!

I did briefly consider not going through the hassle of trying to run around last minute, but then I realized, no, I've busted my ass for 5 years. I'm going to have the ceremony. Hell, if you count all of my aviation training that I also did and received no diploma/ceremony for, I've busted my ass for 10 years. Get the fuck out of my way! I'm gonna be first in line!!

So I swung past school yesterday, flashed my alumni card (giggle), and went to pick up my tickets for the ceremony. With mom recovering from chemo and grandma too old to fly -- and the fact that I just found out Monday -- as of yesterday the only person attending was going to be Husband, which was a bit sad (not that it was Husband, but the lone attendee standpoint.) Luckily KT expressed an interest in attending when I mentioned it was coming up, and desperate as it felt, I sent a note out to my friends asking if anyone else wanted to come and watch. Not quite how I thought it would go down, but fuck it. I'm graduating!

Also had to pick up my cap and gown yesterday. Talk about lack of pomp and circumstance. Small, plain plastic bag, all but wadded up in there. (Which reminds me I need to iron that thing tonight.) Then she threw in the tassle. Oooh, I'd forgotten that part. I suddenly pictured myself up on stage doing that thing where you move the tassle from one side to the other and my heart got all whoosh! and my tummy got all flutters! and I started grinning like an idiot. Then the cashier handed me everything and said "Congratulations". I just about floated out of the store.

In a way its all a bit anti-climactic; I received my diploma in the mail about a month ago, and I've been out of school for, what? Four months now? But I'm realizing now how big of a deal it actually is for me. In hooking up with my 'tribe' many many years ago, I always felt a little...less...than everyone else 'cause I didn't have a degree. We were all roughly the same age, and by no means did anyone ever say or do anything to make me feel like it was an issue. But I always felt a little dumber or that I had to try harder or whatever. Hell, I married someone who had three of the goddamned things, one of which was a Masters! Bit hard not to feel intimidated. That, plus the five-years-of-kicking-and-screaming-to-finish, yes, this is a Big Day. If you look past my weeping and sniffling, I'm actually damned proud of myself, which is not something I normally say. Go me!! Whoo hoo!

And you KNOW I am going to foist thousands of pictures on you from this!!