Bad daughter! Bad! No treat for you!

I do so love being hit with an electronic rolled-up newspaper first thing in the moring. Oh, and here, let me grind your nose in this emotional mess you made here on the floor, too.

Mags' 3rd birthday is a mere month away. This normally entails the annual Grandparent (Airplane) Winged Migration to California to lay gold, frankencense and mirrh at the child's Ked-clad feet. And while there's always stress involved with having extra people around - more so with familial types - I was actually sort of looking forward to it this year because Mags is finally old enough to get it and really enjoy it. God knows she's done nothing but talk about her birthday since last October when she went to her first real cake/balloons/bouncy house party. My god. How had she possibly lived her first two and a half years without this Disney-themed bliss? How would she live the next six months until it was her turn?

But there is already a toy wrench in the cogs of this birthday Erector set. This morning I received a polite email from my mother saying that she and her husband would be unable to attend Mags' birthday - nay, visit us in Cali this spring at all - and would we be so kind as to please give her a hug and kiss for them? So, where's the problem there? one might ask. Is it unreasonable to think they might not have other plans? To quote Elizabeth Barrett Browning: "How do I bullshit thee? Let me count the ways:"

* Excuse #1: I have a doctors appointment on April 4th I've been waiting months to get. Weel, ok. Fair enough.

* Excuse #2: Aunt Margaret is having Easter at her house and we're driving Grandma, so we can't come then. (alarm sounds) Ok, my mom really can't stand her sister Margaret, so much so that - get this - she refuses to call my daughter by her name and only calls her by her initials because - and she told my aunt this to her face - her name makes her think of my aunt, and that makes her sick to her stomach. No lie, folks. And now she can't wait to race over there for Easter? Oh, and by the way, there are 8 siblings; suddenly my mother is the ONLY person who can pick up my grandmother?

* Excuse #3: We are going to be at a convention in Missouri on Mags' birthday, and we'll be driving back afterwards; don't know how long we'll be travelling. (alarm sounds) Wow, this is where the shit really starts to stink. It's not as if mom doesn't know exactly when her granddaughter's birthday is and all but considers it a holy day. Nor is it like my mother to not call before hand and say something like, "Are you celebrating M's birthday this year? Are you having people out? There's this other thing we'd like to do that might conflict..." or something along those lines. Slippped your mind, did it? Not f***ing likely.

* Excuse #4: This is more subtle. Not really an excuse; you've just got to know my mom. In her email, she never once mentions Husband or myself. The entire letter is how much they are saddended by having to miss Mags' birthday, and how they'll be sending her gifts along, she's glad Husband's mom will be there, please give big hugs and kisses, etc. We don't exist. No we'll miss seeing you, how have you been, can we make alternate plans -- nothing.

There are other things too. I emailed her a week ago asking if she had made her plans to come out, and never heard back. When Husband called her over the weekend to follow up, there was no mention of ANY of this plethora of possible conflicts.

I am really really beyond tired of this bullshit. The silent treatment? Distant and polite communication via email? Are we really doing this again? I feel like she's trying to punish me, and its RIDICULOUS! I'll be honest, there is a part of me that is happy she's not coming out -- I break out in a rash when having to host (certain) people for lengths of time. But I was actually looking forward to having the grandparents out this time. Mags is old enough to appreciate her birthday, as well as her grandparents, who she knows by name and ask about without promting every now and then. How much fun would they have all had together? Does my mom not see that the only people who are really going to feel the brunt of this are herself and Mags? THAT'S what makes me angriest about all this bullshit! Arg!

For the record, it is true that I have not spoken with my mom since December-ish, and I think that's what's got her panties jammed so far up her butt. Nor did I call her on her birthday. Never mind that we've had talks about how I am a shitty communicator and to please not take it personally in the past. Never mind that she was included in an email in early January explaining that I was not well and I would be incommunicado for a while (which she did not respond to.) Never mind that NO ONE has heard from me in forever. Never mind that she didn't acknowledge the stack of 60 photos of Mags she recently received. Never mind that she hasn't tried to contact me to ask what's going on or say that she was feeling hurt or even, hey how are things on your end.

No, no. Let's just leap right into hurt silence AGAIN, with the understanding that she has been WRONGED somehow, and I SHOULD KNOW why she is upset and should be the one to instigate the repairs. Look, mom, we're both GROWN WOMEN with (gasp!) lives. And if you're feeling hurt, or confused, or uncertain, or angry, fucking SAY SOMETHING ALREADY! People have feelings! Maybe they stem from real actions, or a miscommunication, or, or whatever, but not talking about them is doing more damage than anything else, and it sure as shit makes me want to talk to you less and less for fear of stepping on yet another invisible toe!

(smashes forhead onto keyboard repeatedly)

I swear, when Mags gets older and we hit our 'troubled mother/daughter' phase (although if we could avoid it I would be eternally grateful,) we're not gonna do this silent treatment BS. If anything, I'll irritate the crap out of her by being a big California hippie and always wanting to talk about our feelings. This 'you're a bad daughter' vibe is beyond ridiculous.