I Nearly Forgot

No really, I nearly forgot to go to my sleep machine appointment for the second day in a row. Two friends of mine unexpectedly dropped in yesterday morning, and I was so enjoying hanging out that I forgot to watch the clopck. Only by accident did I happen to cacth a glimpse of the time, screamed, and left poor Minnie standing in the dust of my wake recuperating from my bellow as I ran to the car.

But I made it to the appointment on time and got my new machine. It was surreal sitting in the office, talking with the technician as she walked me through the different types of machines to choose from (4), and the array of masks (8). It was like thumping mellons to see which was ripest; listening to the volume of this machine, trying on different masks to test for fit and compare the feel of each one. I rememebr thinking, this is really a money making market? And how did this 20-something girl pick such an odd niche market as a career? Does she inwardly laugh as she watches patients put on these ridiculous masks? But she was very professional and relaxed about the whole thing, and eventually the oddness of the whole situation wore off.

I will admit, though, last night I slept in a separate room from Husband because I was so self conscious about the whole thing. And at one point I did have a little oh-poor-me cry. I realized I had been dragging my feet about getting the machine, and now that I had it, it made me feel really 'broken'. For the first time since being diagnosed with the tumor, I was angry and upset and sad about the whole thing. The unfairness of it all. I'm only 33, fer christ's sake. A machine to help me breathe?!? Possibly for the rest of my life?

Le sigh.

I got over myself long enough to plug myself in, and with the help of some melatonin eventually fell asleep hooked up to the machine. I didn't make it through the night, but I'd been warned this process was gonna take at least a month to get used to.

So, there ya go. I've decided to refer to the mask as the Heffalump, as I feel like I look like a cross between a scuba diver and an elephant. Oh well. If ya can't laugh at yourself.....