Too Many Knobs

I am really strugging right now with the way I feel. Too many pills, lots of side effects, and I don't know what's causing what, so on top of everythng else, I'm feeling really frustrated.

Let me explain. No, there is too much; let me sum up:

I started back on anti-depressants in October after being off of them since early spring. Those have been ramping up for the past several weeks. Even though it was exactly the same two meds I was on prior to my surgery, my body chemistry is so wildly diferent, I'm having a completly different experience than previously and have been tweaking the dosages on both almost nonstop since I started re-taking them. On top of all this, I've been weaning off my steroids since June, which means that my body chemistry has been constantly changing as well during this process. Oh, and there's a fourth pill that I take, which of course is reacting oddly to new bosy chemistry as well.

Of the past two-ish months, I think I've actually felt good (and I mean seriously cloud-nine blissed out is-this-how-everyone-else-feels happy) for about two, maybe two and a half weeks. That's when the happy pills finally kicked in. Unfortunately, something has gone horribly wrong, and I feel like shit again, combined with my sleep being tweaked above and beyond the apnea, clenched jaw, migraines, being uncomfortably high, and ferocious constipation.

Problem is, I just don't know where to place the blame. There's just too many things affecting me right now. As of last Sunday, I took my final steroid pill. My body is still probably adjusting to having to pick up the slack, and historically withdrawal symptoms do include migraines and screwing with your mood. (Just took a blood draw Wednesday; waiting to see if all my levels are ok.) There's pill number two, which could be causing the constipation due to new body chemistry. Then there are the Happy Pills, which could be contributing to, well, basically all of the symptoms, in various combinations. Jesus.

Basically, I'm just juggling too many pills right now, and I know that what I need to do is start from scratch, for lack of a better term. Plan of attack: Ditch random pill #2 entirely, for the time being. Its not life threatening/saving, and can definitely wait until things shake out. Next, continue to ride out the lingering effects of Hydrocortisone. Two pills down; good. Then start tapering off of one Happy Pill entirely (probably Zoloft as it was most suspect when I was previously having troubles in the spring.) Lastly, take a constant dose of Happy Pill #2 (Wellbutrin) at the same time every day in a constant doe that doesn't involve cutting the time release pill in two (what can I say, I've been desperate.)

I know this process will take at least a month to even get some sort of true reading from having only one pill in my system, but I really think this is the only way I'm gonna know what pill is causing which problems with new body chemistry. Then I've got to start adding pills back on and waiting to see what happens then. Of course all of these pills don't immediately kick in, and there's waiting involved as the meds build up in your body. Its frustrating, I'm impatient, and I've already warned Husband that the next month is gonna be pretty ugly. But I don't feel like I really have much choice.

I'm gonna try to stay as even keel asI can through this process, given that all of these things are going to be in flux. I know that's gonna require a lot of having to consciously use logic instead of depending on my body/hormones to give me clues, which is challenging. But I'll try.