Its Like Trying On Shoes. For Your Face.

Ahh, my continuing adventures in sleep technology!

I've not blogged a ton about my CPAP machine since finally getting it back in November. Mostly its just been one of those things I kept meaning to write about and never did. Bet you're dying for an update, no? Read on!

For the record, its been a long strange trip. I remember the first time I went to get the machine; I sat in a room lined with glass display heads, all sporting a different style of the most ridiculous and ugly head gear/mask combinations you could even begin to imagine. (It was practically an out-of-body experience: You're kidding me, I thought to myself, this is now my reality? Similarly, when the woman came in to help me get fitted for a mask, I watched her putter around her highly unusual job and thought, wow, this is her reality?)

It wasn't an overnight miracle cure either. There've been what feels like a dozen trips back to the Sleep Clinic as well to get the pressure adjusted. Its a balancing act, finding a pressure that's strong enough to be effective and keep your windpipe open, whilst not inflating you while you sleep (or more importantly, causing your mask to leak.) Not to mention just getting used to having something strapped to your head; the new positions you have to sleep in to be comfortable and not knock the mask askew.

But in the words of Hedwig, the strangest things seem suddenly routine. The kinks started to work themselves out, and my sleep did improve. I no longer sank into depression at night when I geared up. Mags and I have had a few good laughs about the mask, but she now too gets that it helps Mama. Now, in fact, it feels odd to sleep without it (sometimes.)

But lately I have been having more problems with leaking. The machine is doing exactly what it should, specifically, making me fall into deep, deep sleep. Problem is now, I'm out so cold, everything goes slack, my mouth drops open, and all that fabulous pressurized air goes straight out my gaping maw, negating any benefits I might get. I've tried a 'chin guard' (read: a jock strap for your face; amazingly even uglier that the mask itsself IMHO,) and just flat out taping my mouth shut at night (which still leaks and gives me the added bonus of a semi-permanent sticky residue on my face. Its like making out with a Post-It note. Sigh.)

Time to try new styles of masks. I got one about two weeks ago that covered not only my nose but my mouth as well. Hmmm. Tried that all of twice. It leaked more that the condom Husband wore when we begat Mags, so I went back in to the store today to evoke my 30 day trial period, and tried on several new versions.

There's not a ton of variation that you can have between very specific-purposed masks like these, but they all have just enough differences in fit that you do need to try them all on. And try them all on I did. Here, try this one. No? How about this one. Hmmm. What if we try this mask with this head gear? This one adjusts like so... What if you put your head back? No, that's definitely not working...Well, we can take out the liner like this....

You get the idea. The guy had to keep running back and forth to the storage room. At one point the table was covered with masks, and I had more than a brief moment of fear that nothing would ever work. But we eventually found a mask that should work without any additional Super Glue or staple guns. If in a week it works, I go back in to get a non-loaner model. If not, its time for my new best friend Andrew to pull out more shoe boxes, which hopefully for both of our sakes, he won't have to do. Wish me luck!

Oh, and for the record, this is oddly less depressing than shopping for shoes, one of my least favorite pasttimes in the world. I might have a slightly less-traditional shaped face, but you'd think I was the last woman on earth who wore a size 12 shoe. Truly. If I've got a choice, give me a jock strap and a sticky face any day. (Wow, now there's one for the quote book!)