Another Chapter in the Instruction Manual, Hopefully

Around these parts, Husband and I tend to give Mags every opportunity to correct a mistake/change her behavior before really getting in her face. This normally involves some sort of attempt at rationally discussing something, some amount of explaining why we're using said boundaries, or the like. (If you asked *my* family, they'd give you a whole earful about how we're too lenient with Mags, but thats for a different post. )

Anyhow, in our house, if you've been threatened with a time out, Mom and Dad must be Really Mad. And a few nights ago, Mags got scolded and (gasp!) threatened with a time out. She'd hemmed, she'd hawed, and finally Husband had had enough of being yanked around, raised his voice, and started The Countdown.

ONE........TWO.........

Ususally this is all it takes. But in keeping with our new trend of 'all things dramatic', Mags dissolved into tears. "Why are you crying?" Husband asked exasperatedly. "Be-be-cause you hurt my feelings!" sobbed our distraught daughter. Now, I can't speak for Husband, but this made me grind my jaw and roll my eyes. Frustration - the likes of which only comes with having a child - was instantaneous. Kid, you didn't listen to your parents and they got mad! We're not trying to hurt your feelings, we're trying to discipline you! Arg!

But later, after the storm had passed, I realized something fairly frightening: I tend to do the same thing too. I totally cannot hear criticism without taking it personally and getting upset (well, rarely, anyhow, or only with very specific people under tightly controlled cicumstances, and the planets aligned just so.) Hell, I'm ashamed to admit, sometime even *I* get sort of verklempt if I get told. I don't like to hear that I've done something wrong. And yes, I know no-one really likes to hear it, but I REALLY don't. Like, to the point where I feel like its a moral failing, or somesuch.

So now I'm worried. Fine, I'm a big freak and have made it to 34 years old and still easily get my feelings hurt. That's my baggage to carry through the terminal of life. But how do I teach my daughter how to not be this way if I can't even figure out how to do it for myself??!? Gaaa! I know I have many fine qualities that hopefully will stick on my kid, but this is not one of them!

So, if anyone has a book titled something like: How Not To Be Insecure And Especially How Not To Pass It Onto Your Kid, I'd appreciate it. Thanks!