Worried

Mags and I are heading to Boston tomorrow (Husband follows later in the week) to see various friends and family. Some of these folks we've seen as recently as December, but the other half have not seen me since before the tumor -- that is to say before I started looking pretty wrecked (IMHO.) I caught a glimpse of myself in the mirror this morning - something I usually try to avoid - and all I saw were huge dark circles under my eyes, ill-fitting clothes, a distended and lumpy body; just not a pretty picture. I'll admit, I'm embarrassed and worried about what folks will think. I'm already feeling defemsive, and lining up all of my explanations about how the tumor f***s you up, but I always feel like I'm desperately handing out excuses to make up for character flaws when I give them.

I'm probably not giving folks enough credit here, but one has to admit that it'll be somethng of a shock to see, especially because photos of me have dwindled greatly in the past year or two.

Golly, I can't wait to get back on anti-depressants...