But Then What Will I Bitch About?

This sleep apnea thing? Not working for me. Two nights ago I started using my seventh style of mask, because I just cannot get one that either a) fits without leaking and being ineffective and just generally irritating, and b) works well at the high pressures I have to use on my CPAP machine. So far, the new mask seems to be working, and you'll never guess how I can tell. Go ahead, ask me! I know that enough of the pressure is getting into my chest to be effective not because I am less sleepy - oh, no, that would be too easy and helpful - but becaAnd sometimes, when I'm lucky, it'll give me acid reflux too! Hooray...I think....

Have I mentioned recently that I still have to tape my mouth shut every night to keep the air in my system as well? Yeah, I have a mostly permanent tape-residue goatee circling my mouth most of the time. That is, when the tape itsself isn't giving me a rash around my mouth. Oh, and I've not had to drink caffeine in the morning for a long time - when you put tape on your mouth, then you've got to rrrrip it off! Every! Fucking! Morning! Oh! My! God!

Yeah, its been swell, but the swellings gone down now. I want off. And off I am going to get starting October 27th. Why is this day so special, you ask? Well, gentle readers, on October 27th, I am going to have surgery to (ohdeargodfingerscrossed) correct/eliminate my sleep apnea so that I never have to use a CPAP or any of its evil cohorts again.

Yes, I have been seeing a facial reconstruction surgeon in secret to discuss what my options are. And I've thought about it and thought about it, and then one night I literally woke up with the CPAP hose wrapped around my neck. Let's see...do I want to deal with this for the next 60 years of my life? Suddenly I didn't have to think about it any more.

Just for reference (and because I have a weird paranoia that people think I'm exaggerating when I have health issues) here is the xray of what my throat looks like when I'm sitting up.:

(Not my most attractive angle, and is anyone else silently humming 'Turning Japanese' to themselves right now?)

Of note:
1) That narrow part in my throat. Can you see that part where the front of my airway looks like it got smashed in by someone's thumb? Yeah, that's bad. Doc told me on average thats supposed to be a 10mm opening; mine is 3. And thats when I'm sitting up. That collapses when I sleep.

2) My tongue. Please not ethe lack of empty space in my mouth. That's because I stole Mick Jagger's toungue - twice - and jammed it in my mouth. My tongue is E-NOR-MOUS. Doesn't really leave room for anyting else, like, say, AIR. Also collapses to the back of the throat during sleep.

3) The soft palette. A little harder to make out in the xray if you don't know what you're looking for. Basically the roof of your mouth, and the back part where your tonsils and uvula are. Surprise, mine's too big, hangs too low, blah blah blah tumor blah. Oh, and you guessed it -- collapses during sleep.

**4) And as an aside, my nose is even bigger than normal becuse at the time I was wearing the evil mask that caused my nose to bruise and swell and, oh, ooze from an open sore, but those don't really relate to the problem. But my deviated septum does!! (Item sold seperately.)

Surgery it is, folks. Surgery it is.