Oh, and While You're Waiting

I could use a little advice.

Mags continues to be a fantastic and fascinating creature. I've peppered this blog with some of the more interesting snippets that we've come across, but that's dropped off somewhat in recent times. Methinks that has something to do with the fact that we're getting more used to the wild stuff that comes out of her mouth, and it no longer seems so strange. :)

Perhaps you can recall some of the stories about the babies she was carrying in her tummy. (Harmless, but still disconcerting to hear at times.) Or her imaginary sister, who's name, age and temperment tend to change frequently -- often in the same story. And really, we let her go on about whatever she wants to. Letting a vivid imagination take seed seems like an important part of childhood. Plus, when we're not totally confused, its quite entertaining!

For the past several months, Mags has been on a baby kick; that is to say, she pretends to be a baby again. She likes to be picked up, carried around, have her 'diaper' changed, and only wants to talk in baby talk. Fingers crossed that this was just a phase, I played along when it wasn't inconvenient, like time to get ready for school, or when we're trying to cross a street or whatnot. And the gamble paid off; she seems to be done with that phase -- just in time to start the next one: being the mama while *I* am the baby.

Oh sure, she refuses to carry me around; but she will hold my hand if I need it. I'm only allowed to speak in baby talk, she takes great pleasure in comforting me when I drop her off at school ('Now don't be sad, baby. I'll be right here and you can come pick me up later!') and 'reading' to me in the evenings ('What are they doing in that picture, baby? [pause] That's right! Tigger is jumping up and down! Now what about in this picture? [pause] That's right!...') We have had a few bouts of 'You can't tell me what to do 'cause I'm the mom!', which have quickly been nipped in the bud, but mostly its just harmless fun and I'm willing to play along with it if the situation permits. Strange to hear all of my parenting parroted back at me, though....

So here's where it has started getting sticky. She likes to feed me a 'bottle', or more correctly a fistful of empty air followed by loud drinking sounds and pretend belching, but its gone one step further. In fact, at the wedding, I almost spat out my mouthful of non-imaginary drink when she offered to breastfeed me, and even went so far as to cup an imaginary breast.

(screeching brakes)

Yeah, not one I've come across in any of my parenting books to date. On one hand, I'm really glad she's caught on that breastfeeding is natural and normal and some parents do it and some parents don't and that whole schtick. And again, more of my parenting was parroted back at me today when she informed me - hand cupping another imaginary breast, good lord - that 'Some babies are bottle babies but you are a breastfeeding baby.' Well. Ok then. Ummmm, sure.

Seems I've painted myself into a corner. Don't wanna burst her idea that breastfeeding is normal and completely ok, but need to really be slapping up some boundaries here (no, I have NOT actually breast-fed off of my child. I usually make up some lame-o excuse about how I'm full or the like. Weak, I know.) If she wanted to breast feed her doll it'd be ok, so what do I tell her? This may seem like a very simple and obvious question, but every time I'm confronted with it my brain just locks up and all I can think is, "You want me to WHAT?!?"

That being said, any suggestions? Anyone else encounter a similar problem with loved ones in their lives? Anyone?

Anyone?

Oh, and just to cover my ass: Dear Universe, I am grateful my 4 year old is not shooting heroin into her eyeballs and that my biggest problems are that my child doesn't like to go to sleep while its still light out -- oh, and that she has a breast-feeding fetish. Yours truly.