"Good News!", Part 2

All things are relative. Including the phrase 'good news'.

For example, when I was at the doctor's office. I sat in the with the main surgeon and his assistant (Dr. S., who I like much better.) The surgeon pulled out my file and basically told me that the results from the sleep study were back; according to the results I no longer have obstructive sleep apnea, or sleep apnea at all. Normal sleep is 5 episodes per hour (everyone wakes up SOMEtime while they are sleeping,) and that my number was three. So, while I may still not be sleeping great, at least I have the health benefits of not having apnea,like reduced risk of heart disease and heart attacks, etc., etc. Do I have any questions?

I had basically turned to stone in my chair by this point, but I did managed to squeak out, "Yeah, then why do I still sleep like ASS?!"

He went on to explain that for some people, even after they have the surgery they still ave sleep issues, and that I'd probably have to see some sort of sleep specialist who would work with me on my sleep hygeine: things like not napping during the day, or drinking caffeine after certain hours of the day, or not usig the computer or tv right before bed, or avoiding alcohol, etc.

Thats when my eyes started to well up. Because I already do that stuff. And here was this stiff guy who was obviously just rattling off his routine list. I mean, I get that his job was to perform surgery on my jaw to make my airway clear and he did that, and for all intents and purposes he was sucessful. But really, at that point I WANTED to hear that I needed more work - my tonsils, my legs, ANYTHING! - just so that I had something else to hold on to, some reason that I was still sleeping poorly, even if that meant it wasn't quite over. But instead I was kind of given a 'clean bill of health' as it were.

The surgeon wrapped up and headed out of the office. I was left with Dr S. I do love that man. He actually paused to acknowledge that I was really upset, and tried to get me to not give up hope. He started talking about different avenues that could be tried. He started flipping throug hmy file to make sure there was something he hadn't missed. He admitted that he expected me to be sleeping much better that I was with the results I had from the test. He offered to ask the technician to rerun the results. He was going to personally call a great sleep doctor he knew who he felt could really be of help. Really, he was kind of there for me when I needed it. He even got me kleenex while I wept.

I pulled myself together enough to make it through the lobby without embarassing myself and got to the truck. Per instructions I called Husband with the results, who was floored when he heard what I had to tell him. He had been so sure it was tonsils; we'd rip those out easy peasy, and then all would be well. He even offered to cancel some meetings and come home if I wanted him to, which was very sweet. Mostly though he just listened to me sob.

I ended up going to lunch with My friend Joj instead; I hadn't seen her in a few weeks, and I knew sitting at home alone after my news would be a Bad Idea. We were hanging out and chatting, and I started talking about something that to me was Good(ish) News. (For the record, I also thought it was something she already knew about.) Unfortunately, I accidentally made her cry and really hurt her feelings pretty bad (can I just say how incredibly unintentional that was?!?)

Between the news of the morning and the last straw of hurting one of my best friends, I kind of shut down emotionally. I basically aborted lunch, went straight home, and slept for 4 hours. I figured I'd probably sleep like ass that night anyhow, and it was better than stepping in front of a bus. I didn't wake up until after 6.

Later that night, I went to Jojs house, in a much better frame of mind to talk about stuff. But really, I left that conversation feeling like the damage had been done, and that our relationship isn't going to be quite the same ever again. And not in a good way. So I went home to sleep on it. For whatever good that does me these days.