(Sigh)

Why does Blogger screw up my paragraphs whenever I post a photo? Meh.

Guess I'll Be Maturbating With the Other Hand for a While...

Went and done burned myself real good on Sunday.

I was making homemade soup at a friend's house (a brief moment of domestic delerium) and had transfered a bunch of the recently boiling stuff into the blender. After frappe-ing it, I tried to separate the top from the bottom, but they weren't budging. Now, the blender *I* am familar with needs you to twist the top to unlock it from the base. Turns out, however, that if you twist my friend's blender in this manner, all you do is separate the glass from its base. Read: the glass came off and all the boiling soup poured down out of the bottom onto the base of the blender -- and my hand that was steadying it.

One of my initial thoughts was: Dammit. I just wasted a lot of soup. Glad I tripled the batch. Still need to work on my priorities a bit.

I don't think I've ever burned myself this badly before. _FUCK_ did that hurt! And it kept hurting, and hurting, and hurting. I couldn't take my hand out of the ice water for more than about 4 minutes before it was just excruciating. Did not get much accomplished after that. Yesterday found the hand to be fairly useless, as it was incredibly stiff and tender. Somewhat better today, although I can't make a fist with the hand yet.

Its really kind of impressive and facinating. I've started to get some blistering on my index finger, and some of the skin is starting to turn kind of black-ish. The swelling is giving me chubby fingers, too. And I really kind of like how there are very definite lines outlining the whole thing; no fading off pinkly into the rest of my skin. I'm sort of oddly hoping I end up with some sort of scar, although as it is just basically a bad sunburn, I bet I don't. But I still stand by my previous statement that scars are cool. I totally get to show off and get sympathy now! Can't do *that* with a brain tumor.

Also, this is after the rest of my week (and I appologize for the TMI here), which included: sleeping like shit for 5 days, a fair amount of post-Habitat soreness, allergies *and* a chest cold, having to see a dermatologist for the open sore that my sleep mask gave me on the bridge of my nose -- oh, and did I mention a yeast infection?!?

I have much higher hopes for this week...

Offspring Story of the Day

Whilst tearing into a birthday gift in front of Grandma:

Mags: (excitedly) Wow! I can't believe it! Its amazing! Oh SHIT!

Mentally Hyperventilating?

I realized yesterday evening - after having a handful of friends talk me out of a gallon of ice cream - that I perhaps got a bit ahead of myself with the whole burning a bridge scenario. I realized I was assuming/projecting that said person was very very angry at me, because all I got was dead silence in return. And its no secret that one of my defining qualities is jumping to the worst case scenario.

However....

Its hard to believe that someone who sits in front of a computer all day managed to somehow miss this email about a potentially touchy subject, and that being sent to voicemail after two rings wasn't done on purpose. But I'm willing to own that theres a possibility that I'm just being a big freakball and blowing things out of proportion. Wouldn't be the first time.

I'm guessing that this will bleed over into today in some fashion. Must remember that I'm just trying to take care of myself, that I'm not a bad person, and to keep myself good and distracted - and not by giving oral to Ben and Jerry.

Fuck.

I'm pretty damn sure I burned a bridge today. Its making me feel sick to my stomach.

I guess there was no other logical outcome.

I feel like I had a good reason(s) for what I did, and that big picture, I made this decision to better take care of myself. I tried not be an ass when I did it, either.

But now that its done, I am second guessing myself like mad and feel like shit.

I wish I could've walked away secure in my decision. Not metally running my 'justifications' around in my head like an angry tape loop and trying to feel 'right'.

I hate making decisions. I'm always afraid I'll make some irreperable mistake and have to live with it for the rest of my life. Its one of my defining qualities.

I didn't want this to be the answer. I didn't want to have to do this.

Fuck.