Staring Down the Barrel of a (Hot Glue) Gun

Sometimes your mind can be so open that your brain falls out.

Wednesday, October 31, 2007

The Results Are In!

Well, it only took a MONTH, but I finally got the results back from my latest sleep study. And I am pleased to announce -- that I still sleep like shit. :)

This time I slept for a whopping 6.5 hours, wearing the test CPAP and no sleep medication:

* I woke up 17 times (up from 9 last time)
* I stopped breathing 70 times (down from 130-something last time)
* The average time for not breathing was 24 seconds (previously only 13) and the longest I stopped breathing for was 63 seconds (previously a wimpy 30 seconds.)
* Stage 3 sleep shot up to 29 minutes from the previous 16 and
* Ta-daa! I got 4 whole minutes of Stage 4 sleep!! 400% more than last time!

So, kind of a mixed bag. But, I have my diagnosis and my prescription in hand, so I finally get to go out and get my machine! Saints be praised. Now, I just have to wait for the machine to be approved by insurance. Maybe it'll happen really really fast! I'm sure *that* won't take any time! I'll just sit here holding my breath -- oh wait, I already do that. In my sleep, no less. ;)

Until then, sleepily yours.

Thursday, October 18, 2007

Just Figured it Out

I've only been blogging for a year and just today realized that if I post an image, then no one else reading it can click on it to enlarge it and see it in its full sized glory. Only I can do that from the edit page. Doh!

This explains why no one commented on all my drawings for school - they couldn't see them. And here I thought no one liked my work...

And yes, one goal I have for myself is to someday not need outside validation. And a pony.

Wednesday, October 17, 2007

Art School Pays Off

Next week is our annual MHW trip to the lovely Blue Ridge Mountains to visit our friends G&C. I will be leaving on Friday to take advantage of the fact that I am not in school or otherwise restrained by any sort of real schedule. Even better - Mags isn't coming out until next week with Husband -- I will be a free woman! Whoo hoo!

The long weekend normally consists of not much more than kids running around, napping, lots of card playing, queso and chips, and bourbon and cokes pretty much at a slow trickle every day. :) Oh sure, occasionally we go through the pretense of "getting out of the house" and running into one of the local art communities to check out some galleries and buy overpriced cheese, but just barely. Mostly it is a glorious long weekend of slack. Ahhhh.

There is a bit of a running gag every year, however. Inevitably, we end up listening to the soundtrack from Jesus Christ Superstar every year (I LOVE that movie,) and also at some point, we end up listening to Inginue by k.d. lang. Now, if you aren't familiar with this particular album, it is beautiful, but it is very slow. Frankly, there are really only two of us who really like it, and yes, we force everyone else to listen to it. So between these two albums, you can imagine that there is much bitching and threats of suicide by the other 8ish people joining us for the weekend. (Losers.)

So, today, instead of doing laundry for my trip, or cleaning the rotting dishes in the sink, I made the following. Its not perfect, but I'm pretty happy with it. Have I mentioned how much I love Photoshop?

Tuesday, October 16, 2007

I am *So* Tired of Paula's Breasts!


So, I'm sitting here photoshopping and cleaning up and cropping and fixing about 40 pictures that Miss P picked out of her/our shoot about a week and a half ago. Its not a suprise to be doing it, and I'm happy to do it for her. It makes her pictures look much better, and yes, it makes my work look better too. :) But I must admit I am so sick of seeing Miss P's (mostly) nekkid body. Yes, I get it -- breasts! Nipples! More breasts! More nipples!

Obviously I am not a lesbian, or I'd be in fucking hog heaven. Instead, I fear my dreams will be filled with the bresticular version of "Pink Elephants on Parade" in my dreams tonight. Creamy round globes marching across my mind, floating in bubbles, playing horns, splashing on to the ground and multiplying all over the place -- augh! Augh! The nighmare fuel!

Luckily, I only have 4 more to do out of about 40. And truth be told, I'm glad for the distraction; its been keeping my mind off some other stuff I just cannot deal with right now. I just, well, I need a little variety. Maybe a little beaver to, y'know, spice things up a bit. Or any shots of Roo's bits (good luck with that. A more modest man I have not seen in YEARS.)

After I finish this, I'm off to lunch. I'm thinking maybe cantalope halves. Topped with whipped cream and cherries. I saw some at the store yesterday; they were on a really nice rack. But its pretty dark outside; if I drive I'll have to use headlights. And maybe I'll pick up a couple of jugs of milk while I'm there...

Saturday, October 13, 2007

I Smell Like Roses

There is something about bookstores and libraries that seem to physically affect my body. I dunno if they're pumping something in through the ventilation system, or there are vapors coming off the newly inked pages of all the books, or there are invisible 'lasers' being fired at me from atop shelves, but without fail I have the same reaction as soon as I walk through those hallowed doors.

No, its not a compulsive urge to buy or take out books about subjects I have never encountered before, although that is a close second. Its more like these facilities contain airborne fiber. Without fail, I end up getting really bad gas, and/or have the sudden and undeniable urge to make a huge dump. After about 15 minutes of walking around the isles, I'll start surreptitiously farting like mad, hoping no one realizes it was me. This often turns into an uncomfortable sensation in my bowels that I try to ignore so I won't have to put down my huge armful of books (someone might put them back, and then I'd be ruined!) Eventually the potty dance just can't be ignored and I dash around the store looking for the hidden restroom as I reach Poop Level Brown.

My only hypothesis for this odd phenomenon is that not only do I get so mentally relaxed in these places - lost in the pages of anything I pick up, really - but my body physically relaxes too. A little too relaxed. Anybody else have something similar? Anybody?

The moral of this story: avoid any isle I've been in in a library or bookstore. No, really.

Wednesday, October 10, 2007


Dunno what happened yesterday, but I felt like ass for most of the late afternoon and all of last night. Truth be told, I'm not feeling over it yet this morning either. Food poisoning maybe? Definitely nauseated. Spent most of the time chewing on Rolaids, slurping down either ginger ale or Pepto Bismal, and being able to consume nothing but saltines.

My lunch tried to come up a few times over the course of the evening. I must admit, even typing 'organic vegetarian chili' now kind of triggers my gag reflex. I made Husband hide all of the other cans of you-know-what so I won't even have to look at them. Gross. All that textured protein product...and those beans...excuse me.....

The only non-food poisoning reasining I can come up with (other than sympathy nausea for Mer) is that I started back on anti-depressants yesterday. I've been off of them since spring - about 6 months - so maybe I need to be more gentle in my building back up with these meds. Just too much of a good thing all at once. I'm still leaning toward poisoning, though. Nausea to me is something that kind of stays around your tummy, and I can kind of feel whatever I have slowly moving its way into my intestines and other points south.

Husband has been trying to be helpy, but really, there's not a lot he can do. I don't mean because its just something my system needs to work through on his own; no, I'm refering to the fact that he managed to get poison oak in his ass crack at the ranch this past weekend, and walking is, shall we say, fairly uncomfortable for him right now. Luckily, even after I pants-ed him twice, our neighbor Juan ran to the grocery store and got me more g. ale and saltines. Nice man. I repaid him by forcing him to watch the Muppets Wizard of Oz with me and Husband afterwards (dude, if you need to be distracted with brainless silliness, this is the way to go.)

I forsee a lot of sitting around and not doing much except keeping my lunch down today. Muppets, anyone?

Mother of God

GodDAMN do I hurt!

I'm limpin' around all over the place. My arms and abs and back and such are doing ok; sore, but sort of satisfyingly so, if that makes sense. I can still type, and pick up regular sized things without screaming and writhing, and brush my theeth.

But my legs. What in the wild, wild world of sports did I do on Monday?

Oh yes. Lots and lots and lots of squats and deep bending type things. I NEVR do those historically, as my knees really can't bend terribly deep without basically failing in some of those positions. Roo must be really good trainer if he can get me into all those modified squat type things without wrecking my knees AND still hitting every muscle in those areas. And by good I mean I'm going to key his truck.

Lucky for me I've told him initially I'll only be working out with him once a week until I get a bit more caught up to speed. Gaa!

Tuesday, October 09, 2007

Just for the Record

I am fully aware that my inermittent postings recently are incredibly dull and uncreative and fairly poorly written. Still feeling like sharing every now and then, and am hoping with the promise of sleep that tnill improve at some pont.

Just so you are not quietly saying to yourself "My god, does she know she is writing drivel?" I'm cool - thanks. :)

Being Around Paula is Painful


This past Sunday I shot some maternity/pregnancy photos for the Pretty Pregnant Paula and her partner Roo. It was a fun experience, made me use my brain, and I think we got some good shots out of the afternoon.

Problem is, I realized that there are certain aspects of photography that are not designed for tall people. I used a tripod so that everything would be level and (hopefully) in focus, but that meant that every shot I was hunched over with my shoulders all squished up so I could pee with havnig to straddle a coffeeer into the viewfinder on the camera. Gaa! Combine that with also spending some of that hunched over time spent straddling a coffee table (their apartment is quite small,) well, let's just say I was in need of a massage when that was done.

Instead, last night I went back out to Pacifica to train in the gym below their place. That's right, Roo is a personal trainer and has offered to help me get back in shape. So for about an hour last night, he put myself and two other clients through circuit training. Today? Walking; not so much. Bending; not so much. Lifting; not so much. Actually, I'd have to say Roo is quite good at what he does; very energetic, upbeat, gives you variety, and does a good job of figuring out what your personal limits are (while I definitely hurt today, it could be so much worse. I'm very sore, but not incapacitated. Mostly.)

So, lesson learned from this weekend: stay away from Paula and her ilk. Owwie. Sting-y.

Thursday, October 04, 2007


Maybe that's not the right word. Comatose? Zombie? Completely unable to function? Thats about it. I must've woken up about two dozen times last night -- and I mean that with zero exaggeration. And all I've been able to accomplish today is walk to the store a block frm my house. This does not include emptying the bags, or cooking anything for lunch; just going and buying food.

I realized I spendf most of my time in front of the computer these days. Sitting requires no energy (as long as you aren't concerned with posture,) I and I can at least have some vague sense of getting somethign accomplished, even if that something is jusy a lot of surfing and checking in on friend's blogs 40 times a day. Really, my days are just an exercise in consciousness. A pretty sad existance right now.

Had my official follow up with the sleep clinic yesterday afternoon (ironically during nap time.) Yes, I've definitely got sleep apnea. No, we're not going to discuss surgical options for at least a year because of fairly recent brain surgery. Yes, we're gonna get you the CPAP machine.

Did you know you require a prescription to get the machine? You can't just run to Tar-get and pick one up -- no, no. You have to go in for another sleep study, this time wearing the machine, to determine the correct pressure settings and such for the machine. Makes sense if you think about it; we don't want our eyeballs to inflate, now do we?

I have been dying to get strapped ito this machine. DYING. As ass-ugly as its gonna be, I DO NOT CARE. I just wany to fucking sleep! But you know what the soonest it will be before I can even put in an order for one of these machines? At LEAST two weeks, possibly three. You need to have both a prescription (one week to get) plus an official copy of the sleep study while in the CPAP machine in the clinic (2-3 weeks to get.) And that doesn't even necessarily mean I'll be able to walk in and pick one out. I might have to (dear god!) wait for one on order!! Kill me.

This is just cruel and unusual punishment as far as I can tell. Truly. Since I started this sleep study process, I've heard nothing but how FABULOUS I'm going to feel! How MUCH this is going to help me! My life will CHANGE dramatically! Quality of life will IMPROVE! Energy will go up! Weight will go down! Cats and dogs will lie together! World peace will be obtained! I'll be able to stop time! And I'll finally get that fucking pony I've always wanted!! This CPAP machine has turned into the mother fucking HOLY GRAIL of sleep, and it'll take you 3 weeks to print out a computerized report?!?


I have no shame when I admit I tried to bribe my doctor with cold hard cash yesterday to just slip me a machine on the way out the door. Or that Husband is cruising eBay for one for me. Mer told me of the husband of a friend who uses one....they even live here in Deadwood City...I could just follow him home...

I do go in tonight for that second test avec CPAP machine tonight. I don't care that I'm supposed to take my meds at 730-8am; if those peole wake me up before noon tomorrow, there will be blood spilled. I shit you not.

This is what it means to be a girl today

Found this is some random blog today, and it actually *is* pretty* damned amazing, especially if you are raising a daughter OR are someone's daughter yourself. Granted, its still put out by a beauty project company, but still -- kudos to them: Dove video.

Dove also did an ad campaign using 'real women' once that greatly impressed me. In fact, in doing some reading, Dove has an entire Real Beauty Campaign going on. Their website is pretty nifty! In fact, if you go here, there's a link to the above short film AND a second one they did. Wow! I knew this stuff to be real, but to see it actually done -- creepy!

Monday, October 01, 2007

Pouring on the cheese

Speaking of bizarre, obscure and random soundtracks, check this out. Yes, all on vinyl, but the guy'll transfer it to cd and send it along with the album as well. For no additional charge!

Who doesn't want the original soundtrack to Buck Rogers? Or Airport? No, wait - Logan's Run! Even better - Rhinestone! Gaa! Stallone and Parton! Bwahahaha!

(I myself am partial to John Denver's Rocky Mountain Holiday with the Muppets, but then I'm a fan.)

Ye Olde Synthesizer Muzik


I scored at the thrift store the other day and found Ladyhawke on DVD, of all the random films. Mayhaps you are familiar with this film? An impossibly young M. Broderick? An unfairly gorgeous M. Pfeifer? A swaggering R. Hauer? Evil curses, quests, swordfights, medieval castles -- the whole shebang. Was one of my favorite (if not slightly cheesy) movies as a teen.

For $4, you know I put it in my shopping cart. Widescreen, even!

Turns out Husband really liked that movie back in its day as well. So, we put Mags to bed, parked our collective asses on the couch, and had a date. Or, maybe more correctly, we collectively collapsed. But you get the idea.

For the most part, the movie held up suprisingly well for its age. The plot still held my interest, kept moving at a good pace, the acting was decent -- hell, even the circa 1985 special effects were pretty well done and not really distracting at all.

But the music? (shudder)

Husband'll agree with me on this one -- painful. Truly. Seems we'd both blocked that soundtrack as far out of our minds as we possibly could. It went something like this:

Opening credits! (synthesizer!)
Jail break! (synthesizer!)
Wily fight scene! (synthesizer!)

You get the idea. Keep in mind we're talking roughly 13th century here, folks. Armour. Loincloths. Peasants. Moats. Now, every now and then, there would be scenes with classical music to lull you back into a sense of false security (Hazzah! Bring me a mead, Husband! Or ye'll be sleeping on the rushes after the movie!) Only to be shattered again later by - you guessed it - synthesizers!

Maybe I need to get me to the nearest RenFaire just to make sure I'm not missing something here....

Pain in the Neck

Exciting new news in medical land! I went in today for another check-up with my endocrenologist and ta-daa!! They've found another growth! I've got a 1.4 cm nodule on my thyroid gland that needs to be checked out now. Doc refered to it as a goiter, but my understanding is that that's a bit different than a separate growth. But maybe thats just splitting hairs. Or cells.

In any case, the paperwork is enroute to the insurance company, and once approval goes through, I get to have my very own biopsy. That's right! They're gonna slather some topical anisthetic on my neck and then JAM A NEEDLE INTO IT. And I'm guessing my the amount of pressing and digging the doctor did into my throat today to see if he could feel the growth probably means this isn't exactly floating conveniently near the surface for a quick in-and-out.

The 'good' news is that 1.4 cm is pretty small for these sorts of things, its small enough that the doctor couldn't feel it, and about 90-95% of the time these growths are non-cancerous. Again, he is just taking precautions, for which I am very grsteful. On the other hand, I still fell apart and cried all over poor Dr. Larry. He was very understanding, and tried to help me put it into perspective: initially when I came to him for help months ago, he assumed there would be much more wrong with me, considering my lab results. And yes, while several additional issues have floated to the surface and don't look pretty, they keep end up not being big, ugly issues (so far; fingers crossed!) And, he joked, we've basically run out of things to inspect! The endocrine system is only so big, you know!

Bless his heart.

Its not really even so much that. True, that part with te needle being JAMMED INTO MY NECK does not sound like fun and I really really really wish I did not have to do it. And I'm glad I have a super detail-oriented doctor who is on the lookout for all this stuff. But enough already! Fuck! Give a sister a break, would ya, universe?! Damn!

Now if you'll excuse me, I'm going to go stick my head in the sand for about a month...