Why does Blogger screw up my paragraphs whenever I post a photo? Meh.
Sometimes your mind can be so open that your brain falls out.
Whilst tearing into a birthday gift in front of Grandma:
Mags: (excitedly) Wow! I can't believe it! Its amazing! Oh SHIT!
I realized yesterday evening - after having a handful of friends talk me out of a gallon of ice cream - that I perhaps got a bit ahead of myself with the whole burning a bridge scenario. I realized I was assuming/projecting that said person was very very angry at me, because all I got was dead silence in return. And its no secret that one of my defining qualities is jumping to the worst case scenario.
Its hard to believe that someone who sits in front of a computer all day managed to somehow miss this email about a potentially touchy subject, and that being sent to voicemail after two rings wasn't done on purpose. But I'm willing to own that theres a possibility that I'm just being a big freakball and blowing things out of proportion. Wouldn't be the first time.
I'm guessing that this will bleed over into today in some fashion. Must remember that I'm just trying to take care of myself, that I'm not a bad person, and to keep myself good and distracted - and not by giving oral to Ben and Jerry.
I'm pretty damn sure I burned a bridge today. Its making me feel sick to my stomach.
I guess there was no other logical outcome.
I feel like I had a good reason(s) for what I did, and that big picture, I made this decision to better take care of myself. I tried not be an ass when I did it, either.
But now that its done, I am second guessing myself like mad and feel like shit.
I wish I could've walked away secure in my decision. Not metally running my 'justifications' around in my head like an angry tape loop and trying to feel 'right'.
I hate making decisions. I'm always afraid I'll make some irreperable mistake and have to live with it for the rest of my life. Its one of my defining qualities.
I didn't want this to be the answer. I didn't want to have to do this.